Lots of Scotts

On Marriage

2012-01-30T21:38:00.006-05:00

Next week my husband and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary..more on that later...but the subject of marriage is really 'up' for me right now. I feel more committed to my husband than ever before even as I mourn with friends who are struggling in their own relationships. A union of two imperfect people--trying to navigate the twists and turns of life is going to be challenging. How could it not be? And yet, there was a point in time where wide eyed lovebirds pledged their commitment 'come what may.'

Our Sunday School class has been using Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage study for the last several weeks. I have really gained some great insights from his talks. This led me to follow him on twitter which led to this great sermon he delivered recently at Second Baptist Houston.

About midway through the sermon he uses an illustration that will stay with me. Gary asked the listeners to consider what it would be like if every American were given a car by the government when they turned 16. The only caveat is that this car would have to last them their whole life--it's the only one they would ever get. Gary proposed that we would all treat those cars very differently than we do now. Think of the care, the maintenance, what we would be willing to invest if we knew that it had to last. Gary then challenged us to think of our marriages the same way. It's not a several year lease agreement--where we can trade in, trade up or trade models when we were bored. It is a covenant. I just loved that imagery!

And then yesterday someone sent this article my way..It is from a secular publication and is not even told from a Christian world view, but wow what a testimony!

As the world seems to have more and more to say about the changing expectations of marriage, I hope some of this will be meaningful to you.

Lessons from Guatemala

2012-01-29T08:52:00.004-05:00

I wrote several weeks ago about a trip we have planned to Guatemala for Spring Break. We will be visiting our friends who are missionaries there with Food for the Hungry and working on a special clean water project called Eli's Wish.

Last time I wrote, I was marveling at how my children's hearts were so engaged in caring for people they have never met. Since that post the compassion has spread to my children's whole elementary school. The school really emphasizes "service above self" and decided to embrace K & R's idea of classes each sponsoring a family for a filter.

I was able to attend an assembly two weeks ago where the principal asked each class to try to raise $45--the cost of a water filter for one family. He emphasized that they should not just go home and ask their parents for money. The students were urged to think of what they could do to earn the money. (I love that this makes it the kids' service...not their parents.)

The results have been heart warming! K, P & R have spent the last two weekends looking for projects to do. I have heard reports of playground chatter about lemonade stands and bake sales. And last night at a party I had two different Moms seek me out to tell me about their children's fervent bedtime prayers for "the god-a-malans," renewed enthusiasm for chores and class-wide plans for car washes benefiting a people they have never met.

The drive concludes on Valentine's Day, so I will be able to report their progress then...but regardless of the dollar amount, the lessons they are learning about sacrifice, service for others and loving neighbors they may never meet are precious!

Cafeteria Style Faith

2012-01-25T21:23:00.004-05:00

I have lot of people in my life asking me hard questions.

My 7 year olds ask me questions about how God does certain things and why.

My 5th grade girls' small group spent 20 minutes last week asking me complicated questions about the afterlife and how God operates in this world.

Today a friend asked me difficult questions about an extremely challenging personal issue she is experiencing and what God's Will might be for her life.

My group home Bible Study girls asked me how I can KNOW that God is real and why He has allowed such sin (abuse, rape, neglect) to be committed against them and within their families.

And the answer that my heart is honestly crying (and trying desperately to communicate effectively) is I. Don't. Know.

I hope and believe that God has a plan--and that it is ultimately for our good and His glory--but communicating that is challenging.

And so I am tempted to cling to trite sayings and phrases, to read "Footprints in the Sand" or to start sentences with the words, "I think that means..."

In my heart I know it is not about what I think, that Scripture is clear that "His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts" and yet, my flesh wants to feel smart. I don't want to disappoint these folks looking to me for wisdom...so the temptation is to reach, to twist and to offer my opinions instead of truth. And that is wrong.

I had been pondering all of this tonight when I came across the following quote.

"If you believe what you like in the gospel, and reject what you don't like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself." - Augustine

Wow.

In our consumer-driven society we have all become far too accustomed to having it our own way. This is not a cafeteria style faith where you pick and choose what 'works for you.' How entirely self absorbed! It begins and ends with God.

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life." Proverbs 9:10-11

Anticipation

2012-01-23T21:32:00.001-05:00

Finally!

It took her 7 years, 7 months and 28 days...but my girl FINALLY lost her first tooth. (It has been 9 months and 6 teeth since R got us in the tooth fairy business.)

After so much anticipation, she was a wee bit excited about it. Look at her eyes!

Every time I look at this goofy picture I smile. These are the days to remember. I adore the simple pleasures of childhood!!!

The Gospel of Daily Life

2012-01-22T08:04:00.004-05:00

Recently, our pace of life has been such that I have been thinking about posts more than actually sitting down to record them. Event after event has been happening in my life that has led to the thought I need to remember to write about that.

For example, the 22 foot x 15 ft sinkhole that reappeared overnight in my backyard despite being professionally handled 10 months ago. It served as a reminder that 'the pits' of our lives are often in the same places...and that we often are unaware of the danger that lies beneath. The lengthy debates over 'what to fill it with this time' since the last remedy did not work reminded me of the way our own hearts and lives often go...and our feeble attempts at 'filling our voids' with the wrong things--things that don't hold up to life's next storm or flood.

The renovation project is taking shape at my house. But its huge, unsightly mess has reminded me that you have to stay focused on the end goal sometimes or you can become completely overwhelmed by the process. We have demolished our garage and our attic...so all of the 'stuff' that had been hidden away for years was strewn out on my lawn for two weeks. (I know my neighbors really appreciated that.) When the new storage shed arrived, my husband and I spent 8 hours sorting through every single article and decided whether it would stay or go. Things that were staying were chosen, wiped down by hand and intentionally put in their new place. I thought about the way Scripture describes our hearts being searched, the former things going, being chosen, being cleansed of our sins, heart and lives being made new.

This week it was the decision to move my office, the unsightly little closet space stacked high with piles of paperwork that need to be filed, to a small unfinished space in the attic. The fact that I chose that with great excitement because 'no one else can see my junk' tugged at my heart. Isn't that just human nature? I have spent a couple of weeks with my junk exposed to workers, friends and neighbors and now all I can think about is how to get it hidden away again.

Even in the treat of a facial my husband got for me on an overnight date last weekend a lesson was learned. The esthetician told me that I was using the appropriate amount of moisturizer, but my failure to cleanse deeply first meant I was just trapping the junk in my pores. "You have to deep cleanse," she preached. "Cleansing opens you up to receive what is coming next." Sometimes the spa can feel like church...

It is the Gospel story being told over and over in even the must mundane of life events. It is a reminder of the glory and wonder of the love of God. He loves this little housewife in Georgia enough that He meets me right in the reality of my ordinary daily life and shows me the Truth of Himself in a way that I can see it.

It's why He sent His Son to dwell among us. God doesn't desire to be hidden from us. He wants us to know Him and understand His pursuit of us!

There are unforgettable chapters of our lives where our world gets rocked by major things, but don't forget to look for Him in the quiet places too. He is there...calling for us even in sinkholes, disorganized paperwork clutter, dusty attics and garage messes.

Because Kids Can Be Mean

2012-01-20T11:24:00.006-05:00

It has begun...ever so mildly, but it still stings my heart that it has begun...the establishment of a 'pecking order' at school.

I honestly hesitate to even write this because a lot of local people read my blog and I don't want to start anything, I won't demonize or canonize any 1st graders. I know that my kids aren't perfect. They are young and they are trying to figure it out. I just pray that as the adults in their lives we do our part to guide them.

Twice in a month one of my children has come home and reported hurtful unkind words or actions perpetuated against one of their siblings--not the type of bullying that would surprise anyone--just being called a crybaby and being intentionally left out of something (and then told about it).

Another one of my children has come home tearfully asking me what to do when they see one of their friends being repeatedly and intentionally left out by their crowd on the playground.

My children are beginning to learn that people are not always kind.

My initial temptation was to rush in and 'rescue'-- to call teachers, to call other Mamas. After praying about it I have decided to resist the urge to make that call or fire off an e-mail and to spend my time equipping my children for the next challenge instead. I reached this conclusion for two reasons: 1) They are OK. There has been concern and conversation, but not tears or any sign of emotional impact on them. 2) There WILL be a next time. Maybe not on this playground or with these same kids, but in some other setting with some other people. I am 37 and I still know bullies. My children will be far better served learning how to deal with them and not be one.

I am teaching them to put everything through the filter of Truth. My wise friend Holly taught me years ago to ask them to put the ugly and unkind things through the Phillipians 4:8 test:
Is it true?
Noble?
Reputable?
Authentic?
Compelling?
Gracious?
The best, not the worst?
Beautiful, not the ugly?
Because these are the things God tells us to dwell on.

And then this morning I came across this beautiful post by my new imaginary best friend, Glennon, at Momastery. I am ABSOLUTELY reading this to my children tonight at bedtime! Because they need to hear it...and because I still remember the Adams in my past and it makes me feel sad and ashamed.

Seeking

2012-01-18T17:12:00.009-05:00

Currently, I am in a season where I am seriously overcommitted. It snuck up on me and will be over by the end of March...but whew! Yet, in the midst of it all God laid it on my heart to return to lead Bible Study at the group home for adolescent girls in foster care. I had done this for a couple of years, but stepped aside last Spring to allow someone else to step up and into the role. It was becoming taxing on my family. It was at 8pm on a school night when I'd rather be curled up with my laptop and my husband. Occasionally a babysitter would have to tuck my children in because my husband was working.

I reminded myself that service often involves sacrifice and made sure my children understood where I was going and why. (Don't we want them to grow up seeing us put God & others ahead of ourselves?) Yet, I would still feel guilty and conflicted...so I quit.

Christmas Eve night, our family had dinner with a dozen of the group home residents. I realized how few of them I knew by name. I also realized that no one else had taken over the Bible study. It had been 7 months since these girls had been served in that way. I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was time to go back.

I discussed it with my husband and he supported my decision. As the date for reconvening approached I got nervous. I was going to have to start from scratch with girls I did not know. I certainly hadn't earned the right to be heard with them. What if no one came? And then I read an article about serving too much out of the home rather than in it and felt guilty/convicted/conflicted (I am still not sure which).

I showed up tonight to find four 15 year old girls waiting for me. (And after a few minutes they went out to get another girl to join us.) We spent an hour talking--getting to know each other really--and it was absolutely ordained. There was laughter, tears and brutally honest, searching questions:
"Why would God allow this to be my life if He really loves me?"
I attempted to address this with girls who (all but one) do not know Jesus. Girls whose stories include being pregnant at 16 but losing the baby at 19 weeks because her angry Daddy beat her to the point of miscarriage.
A girl who was addicted to meth by 14 because her parents taught her how.
A girl whose mother conceived her at 16 as a result of rape.
A girl who has been orphaned and no one in her family wants her--and they've told her that.

Tonight THOSE girls voluntarily came to hear about a love than cannot fathom from a Savior they have never met. They asked me how they can know Him. They asked me to pray that they will be able to truly escape their addiction. They asked me to pray for the very families that have completely let them down.

And I left with absolute certainty that God called me to THIS--in this season, in this time--even though I have little people at home and it is not convenient. Sharing the Word of God with desperate, needy, hurting (and funny & refreshingly honest) girls is what I was made for. Being a Mommy & a wife doesn't change that. He has called me to all three roles.

Every one's call is different, based on their gift set, their God-placed passions, their season of life. I could not have done this when I had 3 infants. It might not be my call if I worked full time. It may not be my calling 12 months from now...but tonight it so clearly was that my soul rejoiced--even in the midst of those excruciating stories. I could listen with peace because I knew God is pursuing them now and I get to watch Him move.

It is not always so clear in my life--God's Will. It only comes through abiding in Him and seeking Him. It is not a one time quest...but in those moments of clarity, it is so good. I wanted to record this to remind myself next time. Those who seek Him will find Him.

Perspective

2012-01-17T22:02:00.005-05:00

I am not sure if it comes with age, or is simply a season...but lately I feel very aware of the brokenness in this world. I don't say this as a pessimist--there are still so many incredible moments of life that leave me overwhelmingly grateful. Yet it seems that I am increasingly aware to be on my guard because things are not as they appear on the surface.

As I was pondering this tonight, I was reminded of the "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" playground at Hollywood Studios in Orlando. It is designed in homage to the movie set and features 30 foot tall blades of glass, a maze of root systems, slides made from over sized strips of film, super sized cheerios and many other props.

My boys spent 45 minutes playing on it one morning and I had time to really examine the detail and the setting. My sons, on the other hand, were just in the moment. They never paused to look at the bigger picture. To me it was a creative work of art. To them it was just a fun playground.

I have been thinking a lot about life and perspective. As I watch people all around me make decisions and/or live out the consequences of their choices it becomes more and more clear that for life to mean anything at all the proper perspective is a must.

In the same way a 30 foot tall blade of grass doesn't make much sense out of context, many of the circumstances of our life can be equally confusing--unless we have the context of a Creator that knows the number of hairs on our head, a loving Father who sacrificed much for our souls, a Sustainer that promises us daily grace. In THAT context we begin to understand that while we may feel suddenly small and our scenery confusing and frightening, there is a larger story.

Would God go to such lengths to pursue us and put His Son on a cross for our salvation then turn around and torture us through this life? It doesn't make any sense.

I don't understand a lot about the way things go down in this world. My heart breaks a lot. The only explanation I have is that sin is ever present and we desperately need a Savior. We must focus our eyes not on the temporary circumstances, but on the ONE who holds the future.

It is so tempting to get bogged down, but He calls us to look up. He is our hope.

"Set your mind on things above, not on Earthly things." Colossians 3:2

A Way with Words

2012-01-15T20:58:00.002-05:00

Little R did not enjoy the baked spaghetti I cooked for dinner tonight, but he handled it as politely as you might expect from a 7 1/2 year old boy.

"Mommy, I love you more than I love your food."
Then he added, "and I love your food more than hmmm...(pause)...the DEVIL!"

More on Gifts and Talents

2012-01-13T12:45:00.002-05:00

So, Glennon at Momastery is absolutely my new favorite blogger. Her take on parenting is so real and so beautifully focused on what really matters. (I linked to her last week for her Carpe Diem post. If you missed that it is also a MUST READ for parents.)

Today's entry "On Gifts and Talents" is so timely and struck me right in the heart. Every 'good' parent worries for their children. I have noticed in my own experience there also tends to be the child in each family that the parents worry over the most.

One of my trio is 'the one' who has had specialists, diagnoses and therapists over the years for various issues. I worry over him and his siblings worry over him. Ironically, HE does not worry over himself. :-) One of the most beautiful encounters I have ever had with a therapist happened shortly after P's 1st birthday. As we scheduled his MRI and his Physical Therapist tried to prepare me for the results. Based on his muscle tone she suspected we would get a diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy. I could not contain my tears.

As an expectant mother during a difficult pregnancy, CP had been my nemesis. All of the bedrest, the drugs, the attempts to postpone delivery were targeted at "making it to 32 weeks" because that is when the risk of CP drops off sharply.

I sat on the light green berber carpet that morning crying and wondering if my boy would ever walk without assistance. The Physical Therapist, a Mom of three older girls, said somewhat abruptly: "Listen. None of your children are going to be perfect. He's not the only one who will have problems. They will too. They may not be visible and physical or bear a scary name. They might be emotional, psychological, social or spiritual--they might be more complicated and have a greater impact on their life than this. None of us are perfect."

I stopped crying and gulped. I was not sure whether to thank her or be angry that she had just added even more to my list of worries. Seven years later I can say without reservation that she is right. All kids/people have issues, struggles, weaknesses, challenges...but we all have gifts too.

A couple of years ago, I stopped feeling sorry for P. He is FINE. My bespectacled boy is a well adjusted, joyful, intelligent, creative, funny and PRECIOUS child. I adore him. He is a gift to my life and I have no doubt God has big plans for him.

I also realized that my other children have their share of challenges too--they just don't have diagnosis codes or therapy plans to go with them. (Sometimes I think the world might go a little easier on them if they did.) K & R have challenges as all children do--but they have unique and special gifts to offer the world too. As their Mama, I think my role is to help them discern what issues could be potentially debilitating and dial those down--while recognizing/refining their gifts and finding ways to dial those up. Frankly, it is what God uses this life to do to me.

Glennon spoke words straight from and to my heart with her post. May home be the place where I children (and I would venture to add spouses) are reminded how loved and valued they are. Where improvement needs to happen, may it be a loving pruning that's motive is always to insure future growth and health.

God created us, sustains us and has written us each a story. Let's turn the page with trust, joy and anticipation rather than fear and dread.

The Most Important Lesson I Have Learned All Year

2012-01-12T20:26:00.004-05:00

Now that my children are in school most of the day, I have time to invest in really being with people. I spend a lot of time at 'my office' (also known as Starbucks) bonding with various women over caffeine. As a result of these chats, I have become keenly aware of the pain most folks are carrying around.

Many of the stories I hear are tragic and heavy. This season of my life is marked by walking through tough things with hurting people. And it has taken its toll. I have spent a lot of time in recent months feeling burdened, tired and sad. It has distracted me from my 'healthy' friends and to some degree my husband and children.

I realized a couple of weeks ago that somewhere along the way I have gotten my role wrong. I am trying to be Messiah rather than Messenger. I am attempting to be Savior, when I am called to be Salt & Light. I am trying to Fix people and their circumstances rather than pointing them to their Father.

I have been exhausted and overwhelmed because I am bearing burdens that are far too heavy for my mortal shoulders.

As I have been praying and pondering, I have realized that my struggle lies in my take on the Good Samaritan. I don't ever want to be the one who crosses the street in order to avoid getting involved. I don't want to be afraid of getting messy. I don't want to piously pat someone on the shoulder with a promise to pray rather than being hands and feet. I don't mind getting down in the ditch with messed up people--because I have been largely shaped by people doing that for me. I feel closest to God when serving because it is in those moments that I realize the great lengths He has gone in pursuit of humanity. There is nothing like serious brokenness to humbly remind me of our desperate need for Him.

And yet, I am realizing that I need to be more prayerful about how involved God wants me in each situation. I need to really search my heart and examine my motives in each case. Is it God moving me--or my prideful belief that I can fix something God cannot or will not.

When I act out of my flesh rather than from God's leading, I will sin. It is quite possible I am trying to rescue people from situation and/or circumstance God would have them walk through for their sanctification. It is akin to someone showing up to my work out group midway through and telling us to quit early because they have brought milkshakes. It probably made them feel better to 'rescue' people in pain, but it is the resistance and the challenge of the work out is exactly what is being used to make us stronger. Their 'rescue' was short term.

So, I am praying for wisdom to know how to love people practically, yet in a way that points back to their Savior. I am also praying for the courage to really examine my heart motives and the discernment to know when my efforts, however 'good' they seem are not godly.

And the funny thing is, I already feel lighter, healthier and more joyful. God's grace IS sufficient when I am walking in the light of HIS Will rather than my own.

My Three Favorite Things About WDW

2012-01-10T21:30:00.007-05:00

I was having trouble deciding how to wrap up our long weekend in Orlando until I uploaded my photos. Flipping through the snapshots my lasting memories became abundantly clear.
#1 Lots and lots of cousin time...I grew up with lots of cousins (14) around all the time. My husband only has one (and he's 20 years younger). My children only have 6 cousins and we don't see them very often. To watch them make memories together and become so intermingled was quite fun.
#2 Being reminded again what a GREAT Daddy my husband really is...

He is loving. He is consistent. He is intentional and he enjoys our children! He is blessing.

#3 Remembering that while it is fun to watch things like fireworks through their eyes...
This view is always better.

Imitation

2012-01-09T21:28:00.003-05:00

We had a great long weekend at Disney World, but tonight I am happy to be blogging from my comfy sofa in front of an exciting Alabama football game on television.

It was a joy to explore WDW for the first time sans strollers and with children tall enough to try rides they hadn't been able to experience before. I love watching the growth that seems to happen before my very eyes when they are out of their element and exploring new places.

My husband & I were especially entertained by watching our little thrill seeker, K, take on the big rides. Her favorites were Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom, Test Track at Epcot, and Space Mountain at the Magic Kingdom. She did them all more than once with no fear, curls flying, huge grins and infectious giggles. That little girl takes life head on!

It was a great trip because through the power of Disney magic (sets, props, costumes, music, marketing) we got to feel like we'd been in the past, the future, foreign lands, underwater, space, a safari, inside fairy tales, cartoons and more. While I love watching my children grow and experience new things, I was reminded of the danger of thinking these imitations are the real thing.

It may seem like a stretch...but in the context of my 'real life' as we left it Thursday it is not. Just before we left I had coffee with a 19 year old friend of mine. She's a former resident of the group home that has lived a tough life and is now trying to transition to adulthood without ANY family support. As you might imagine this has really set her up for less than wise choices when it comes to male companionship. Out of respect for her privacy, I won't share details, but suffice it to say, she is in a situation that is far less than ideal. She and I spent the morning discussing the temptation to 'settle' for what will 'do' rather than what is best--especially for young women when it comes to love, security and relationships.

I shared with her a story about when I was in my early 20s--a recent college graduate--trying to feather my little nest. I really wanted a piece of furniture to hold my television. I had something in mind--a hardwood piece that would hopefully last for many years. The trouble was its cost exceeded my available funds. I would have to save for it for a few months and be content for my television to sit on the floor in the meantime.

I decided to save for the 'perfect piece'-- but every time I went to Walmart and saw a less expensive press board option that I could afford right now I was tempted to exhaust my meager savings for the temporary fix. In a rare moment of 22-year-old-me wisdom, I realized this choice meant I would have to start all over with my saving and that I might get so used to the temporary option I would give up on saving for 'the one.'

I explained to my young friend the parallel God revealed to me about things FAR MORE important than a silly piece of furniture...like purity, a godly marriage, debt, meaningful friendships...It was a lesson that made a huge impact on my life.

In the same way riding Mission Space is thrilling in the short term, it does not make my girl an astronaut. There are rarely shortcuts to the truest and most meaningful and rewarding parts of life. Yet, we live in a world that wants to give us charge us much for short-lived little tastes. Don't settle. Don't settle. Don't settle. Hold out for the life that is really life described in John 10:10.

And this is my prayer, especially for young women, because this message is heavy on my heart for you: Don't settle for a relationship that is less than God's best for you. Convenient, easy, comfortable are rarely the indicators God uses of His path for your life. Marriage is a covenant relationship. Sex was intended to be within that bond. It is far better to be single than to get nervous and make your own way. Trust Him. Wait for His best. Don't allow the Enemy to play on your emotions and tempt you to cling to things that are not from Him.

And lest I sound high and mighty--like I have somehow arrived--this truth extends to old ladies my age too. May I not link my life satisfaction to the next trip, the next purchase, feeling 'needed', fulfillment in status or imaginary lives in novels or tv shows...May God and His Plans for my little life be IT for me...and for you.

May the things of this world merely whet our appetite for the eternal rather than lead us to be satisfied by cheap substitutes. There's truly nothing like the real thing.

He's having fun, I promise...

2012-01-08T07:52:00.000-05:00

This photo has been the source of much laughter. My husband is a great sport!

I Haven't Dropped Off the Planet

2012-01-08T07:47:00.000-05:00

...just immersed in some good ole fashioned family time with my husband's sister and her family who live in Maine.

My kids are having an absolute blast with their cousins...and being at Walt Disney World is a bonus!

Be back to blogging Monday!

Carpe Kairos

2012-01-05T08:55:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine passed this post from Momastery on to me today and it struck such a chord that I felt compelled to pass it on. Truly one of the most authentic and refreshing takes on motherhood I have read. I literally had to stop reading it once because I couldn't read through the tears.

Momastery

Enjoy!

Time Well Spent

2012-01-04T22:21:00.006-05:00

I love to teach a good lesson. This tendency has gotten me in relational scrapes on more than one occasion when it has come across as more of an "I told you so" from a know-it-all than a truth-in-love experience with a caring friend. With God's lead, I am learning.

One of my favorite parts of being a parent is when life experience/consequences tee up a great teaching opportunity. I also do my share of 'big important talks' around the breakfast table--and frustrated lectures when things implode. While I usually walk away from those times feeling like I can mark that talk off my imaginary list of things good Mamas do, I am learning that the most precious life conversations unfold in the most unlikely times.

It has been a long, very child-centric holiday break. I have played lots of games and hosted lots of play dates at the expense of other adult responsibilities. I am tired and I have wondered more than once if I should have gotten a babysitter a bit more so I could get some things done. I mean, how much chess, mancala and Wii can one woman play?

As if in answer to some of my wondering, three times in the last three days I have had significant and meaningful one-on-one conversations with my children. None of them were planned. They all grew out of them choosing to confide something in me that they were hurt over or worried about and my responding to their lead. One was over insecurities about friendships and the challenge of 'dialing back' a strong personality, another was about a child with special needs and how to respond to them, yet another was about K's concern that she doesn't "have a favorite boy yet."

Back when I was in the professional world we used to describe a certain style as "Seagull management" because of the propensity for swooping in and pooping all over everyone and leaving. I was thinking tonight about how that can be a trap of parental style too--especially in busy seasons and/or stressful times with multiple children.

I was challenged tonight to try to remember the approach the ministry of Young Life has long embraced--earning the right to be heard. Every hour with my children won't hold a life-changing/character building lecture, but every hour on their turf, in their world, showing them that I think they are important is making tremendous deposits to our relational accounts. I am earning the right to speak into their life.

I am an old school Mama in some ways. Respect and discipline are important to me. As my children's God-appointed earthly authority, I recognize that I shouldn't have to 'earn' anything...but the softening that happens when my actions, my time and my presence (not just my words) indicate my care for them is priceless.

It is a long-term investment--but I believe the dividends are worth it!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 NIV

Plan B

2012-01-02T20:45:00.007-05:00

We made it.

The trip.

The bike ride.

The New year's supper of collard greens and black eyes peas.

After dinner, K & R donned hats and horns while my Dad & I put the fireworks to use. Not just the lame Georgia-legal ones we bought at Kroger, but the noisy Alabama-legal bottle rockets my Dad had too.

No, it was not my plan.

It was better.

Many Are the Plans

2012-01-01T10:20:00.011-05:00

I, like most others, had plans for ringing out 2011 and welcoming in 2012. As a stay at home mother of three children with a busy working husband they were not as glamorous perhaps as what others might choose, but I was excited about them nonetheless.

According to my plan, the children were bathed and put to bed at their regular 7:45 time. We set their alarm clocks for 11:45pm in order to wake up "waaayyy past bedtime" and watch the ball drop on television.

We had been to Walmart Friday night to purchase hats, horns and fireworks. It was going to be the children's first experience with a midnight celebration.

At 10 I heard K calling my name in an unusual way. She doesn't have bad dreams or trouble sleeping at all, so I knew something was wrong. I ran upstairs to find her whimpering, disoriented and covered in kale and vegetable soup. (Sorry if that was too much detail.) Not a part of my plan.

The necessary clean up, teeth brushing, bed changing, laundry washing, strategic towel placing, re-tucking-in and deep cleansing shower for a grossed out Mom ensued. Then my husband got home from the hospital. Exhausted, he headed to bed and I decided to set an alarm and take an hour long nap. At 11:40 my alarm went off. I was in the boys' rooms when their alarms (new gifts, so they were thrilled to use them) sounded. Both of them started crying.

I whispered, "It's time to celebrate, remember? Don't you want to get up?"

Nope.

K was resting peacefully, so I opted not to bother her.

I went back into my room and gently spoke to my husband. "It's almost midnight. The kids aren't getting up. Are you?"

I got a negative grunt in return.

Not what I had planned.

I contemplated going downstairs and turning the television on, but opted to climb back in bed instead. I laid awake in the dark and listened to 10 minutes worth of backyard fireworks with reflections of how despite our best laid intentions, sometimes things just don't come together.

We had planned to spend New Year's Day down at my Mom & Dad's in Phenix City. We were going to go on a long ride with our new bicycles on my Dad's favorite trail.

Yesterday I gassed up the car in advance.

My husband used a break between surgeries to load the bikes on the back of my car.

My Mom had made a special trip to the grocery store to make sure she had offerings for my children in addition to the traditional New Year's greens.

I had high hopes that maybe K's illness was isolated and we could still make the trip today. She woke up hungry, but chose to only drink some water at first...and it didn't stay down long.

I had to call my Mom & Dad and break the news that we were at best going to be delayed a few hours.

Not what I had planned.

And so, my children are still in pjs at 10:30am watching Tom & Jerry. I have cleaned my kitchen, tackled my never ending laundry, had an extra cup of coffee and contemplated it all. My plans didn't work out (and they were good plans) but today is apparently going to hold something different for us. It may not even be very exciting.

K is perking up after some toast. We may make it down to Mom & Dad's late this afternoon or tomorrow. We might get to make an abbreviated bike ride. We may even use those fireworks. And we may not.

I like plans. I am a big fan of goals and intentionality. I love having things to looks forward to. Yet, the cautionary whisper in my heart all morning has been this: As we make our good, well-intentioned plans and resolutions for a new month and a new year we are wise to remember that life rarely unfolds as we 'plan.'

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 NIV

I cannot control the health of my child (or most other circumstances for that matter)...but I can choose to surrender my attitude to God. I can choose joy despite some disappointment. This is a lesson that extends to situations far more important/involved than New Year's Day plans--and yet, I cannot shake the irony that it would fall on a day that secularly represents such newness of hope. All over the world people are embarking on new plans today...and some, like mine, will be derailed before the clock can even strike midnight.

This would all sound so depressing if I didn't believe two things:

1) God does have a plan...even in 'silly' things like this, and

2) His plans are far better than mine, even when it is not obvious on the surface.

So, I trust Him and I surrender to Him 2012.

Closing Out the Year

2011-12-31T19:52:00.004-05:00

Today was a storybook New Year's Eve Day. The weather was absolutely perfect--clear blue skies in the low 60s.

My husband is on call all weekend, so we needed to make plans without him and accept that if he showed up it would just be a bonus. I decided to let the kids have a mini bucket list of sorts--everyone got to choose an activity for at least an hour. R went first, as our "Leader of the Day."

He was all about a driveway basketball game until Daddy got home and suggested they break in the new set of tools Santa had brought my R.

He was elated as he proudly joined his Daddy in building a ladder to reach the loft of our storage shed. R was beaming as my husband suggested they sign and date the ladder so they'd always remember the day they built it.

Because their project took longer than the hour R had been assigned, K asked for her time to be spent on a long bike ride alone with me. She & I spent two glorious hours riding our bikes along our town's riverfront, to the park, to Starbucks and back home. The weather was amazing, but knowing that I was spending quality one on one time with my girl--conversation flowing freely--getting to enter her world on her terms--what a blessing!

P joined us for basketball, but spent much of the afternoon doing his favorite thing--reading. For his hour, he requested chess (a new hobby since a Christmas gift of a Mario Chess set.)

As we closed out the day I rejoiced that it was in a way that was such a sweet slice of our current life. We were at home--with those we love, doing things we enjoy. There were no grand gestures. It was simply a representation of quality family time. And one of my favorite quotes came to mind:

"The way we spend our days, of course, is the way we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard

And this, it seems is my wish for 2012...to be intentional about these moments and days that ultimately end up being my life, my marriage, my children's childhood, my testimony, my legacy, my stewardship of the life God has given me.

It is worth noting that as I was 3/4 of the way through this post I heard whining from upstairs and went up to check. One of my people had vomited everywhere. Even after a Rockwellish day...it's still real life.

Happy 2012!

A Conversation About Bad Words & Sin

2011-12-30T22:03:00.005-05:00

The conversations I have with my children before bed and in the car (when no DVDs, DSIs, loud music or arguing are present) are perhaps my favorite moments of being a Mom. Witnessing the growth in their little belief systems and world views is often breath-taking. It leaves no room for doubt that God is at work in their little hearts and minds as they are learning to make sense of this world.

After dinner tonight the children and I were driving to WalMart when I started surfing channels on the radio. On a pop channel a song I had never heard came on and before I knew it a vulgarity was being sung clearly and loudly. ("Thanks for nothing kiss my...") I scrambled to change the channel, but it was too late.
R: "What happened to the song? I like rock and roll."
Me: "There was an ugly word, buddy."
K: "I think I heard it, Mom. I am not sure, but it was a word I hadn't heard before."
R: "Will you tell me so I know? I don't want to say it by accident one day."
P: "No! I do not want to hear it. I don't like having bad words stuck in my head."
K: "I know what they said Mom, but I don't know what it means."

This led to a conversation where I told them the word (and the phrase it was used in), explained that it was a very ugly way to say fanny, that there was no circumstance under which they should say it, and that if they did there would be consequences.
R: "Why would anyone say that?"
M: "It is just a mean and nasty way to be hurtful."
R: "My heart would be very sad if someone said something like that to me, Mom." (So sweet to hear this from my tough guy with his gravelly voice.)
P: "That's why I don't even like to hear bad words, Mom, it makes me sad." (He is my sensitive soul.)
K: (sighing) "It's all because of Adam & Eve eating that fruit isn't it, Mama?" (Her female intuition and insight blows me away sometimes.)
M: "Yes, babe, it is."
R: "I wish they had NOT done that."
P: "But God has a reason for everything that happens. Even they bad stuff."
K: "What would His reason be for that, Mama?"
M: "Well, I think it is as a reminder that He is God. We are not. When we trust Him and rely on Him life is much better than when we try to call our own shots. Without God we will make some pretty bad & selfish choices sometimes."

With that, we had arrived at our destination and the banter shifted back to more typical 7 year old subjects--like bodily functions, kittens and Pokemon.

I fumble and stumble through most of motherhood. I wish I could go back and redo far more than I rest peacefully in how things have unfolded. I cringe at myself daily. But I pray and I love and I have had to learn to trust God to fill in the multitude of gaps in my parenting.

Tonight I am grateful for those tiny glimpses we get here and there to what God is doing in little hearts and lives. There has never been a perfect Mama...never will be. Yet, God continues to entrust us with young lives and He is faithful to redeem our feeble efforts for His glory.

Keep on keeping on, Mamas.

Life giving friendship

2011-12-29T21:33:00.006-05:00

Today my children and I took a little road trip to have our annual post-Christmas lunch with two of my best friends from high school. With 8 children under 8 between the three of us, it is a noisy little get together that doesn't leave nearly enough time and space for deep connection or lengthy conversation. And yet, there is just something about being together that reminds me why old friends are such treasures.
The rich, unspoken history.
Many chapters of life under out belt.
Back stories that do not need to be shared, because they have been experienced together.
We know each other's parents and grandparents.
We remember how each met our spouses--and can laugh about some of their predecessors.
Yes, indeed, old friends are a sweet gift.

As we were exchanging gifts I was struck by the note Randi wrote in mine: "I am so glad we decided all those years ago that it was not going to be hard to be friends."

I had almost forgotten about that conversation until Randi, with tears in her eyes reminded me. We have come so far that I forgot how hard it once was. In high school we fought like sisters at times. I can't even remember what about--just that we frequently had each other frustrated and in tears. Until one day (in our early 20s, I think) we had a relationship altering conversation. We decided we were either going to be loving friends or we were not going to be friends anymore. We could not always behave like the 14 year olds we were when we met. We could do the hard things of life together as friends, but we were not going to stick around in each other's lives just to make things more difficult.

As a 37 year old adult it honestly makes me cringe that it was that blatant of an ultimatum...but in retrospect, Randi & I agreed today that it revolutionized our friendship. We realized we loved each other. We chose to stop biting at each other and decided to act like it. In what was perhaps an act of relational maturity that was preparing us for the journey of marriage, we learned how to be on the same team. Today, we have 23 years of rich life-giving friendship to show for it. Our investment has yielded great dividends.

We don't always get to choose who is in our life...family, colleagues, neighbors, customers are often a part of life we seem to inherit to some degree. But friends, to borrow an old adage, are the family we choose. When we treat each other with care, the returns are often precious.

The Death of Pretty

2011-12-28T13:22:00.001-05:00

While I am at my little personal link-a-palooza...here is another great article (by Pat Archibold) about the "death of pretty" in exchange for the pursuit of "hot."

The THUD After Christmas

2011-12-28T09:31:00.003-05:00

This is from a great article from Relevant Magazine about the build up and let down around Christmas.

"The over-commercialization of Advent makes us all eager to move on from Christmas, without really getting a chance to process and personalize the birth of the King. At times, it's easier to seek a life-changing experience than it is to let the experience change our lives. We can get excited and worked up over big moments in our lives, but unless we let those big moments direct our lives, they're meaningless." Marcus Hathcock

Tis the season of more reading than writing for me...but there is so much good stuff out there!

After Christmas Devotion Idea for Littles

2011-12-26T22:49:00.002-05:00

If you haven't put your decorations away yet and have children in your home, please go check out this link. I really love this idea of having a month devoted to the Magi's Journey to find Jesus. (I think I might have to go dig mine back out!)

On Forgiveness

2011-12-26T20:30:00.006-05:00

I woke up today on a mission...to get my home back in some semblance of order! My husband had the day off, but will be back full force tomorrow and on call 5 of the next 7 days--which means we will see very little of him. Additionally, our cousin Scott is having knee surgery tomorrow and will be staying with us for the first few days of his recovery. With the children home for school break our week is filled with activity.

As much as I hated to rush down the trees and pack up the decorations so soon, it seemed that if it didn't happen today it was going to be 2 more weeks. So, for five hours this morning I packed, purged, cleaned and organized. The really bright spot in our renovation process is that I have a HUGE dumpster in my driveway just begging me to chunk some things. :-)

There is something so therapeutic about getting things put into an orderly fashion. I love fresh starts, firsts, clean pages, new chapters, blank calendars...

It was at the end of this kind of day that I read Donald Miller's blog post on a different kind of purging, Forgiveness. I was particularly impacted by his comments regarding an old wrong he had committed against someone who would not forgive him. Donald Miller writes:

"I wondered why it was that this person simply couldn’t give me forgiveness. And I realized, when I put myself in their shoes, forgiveness was a lot to ask. Nobody deserves to be forgiven for what they’ve done. I’m not entitled to it, for sure. But these days, I’m grateful for being given forgiveness by some, and having it withheld makes me more willing to offer it. I don’t blame people for not forgiving. It’s hard, and frightening and it takes time and a lot of work, unfair work.

A friend describes forgiveness as the willingness to carry a burden somebody has given you without holding it against them any longer. I thought that was a good definition. Good but not easy."

I have never thought about it quite this way...Instead of resenting those who can't/won't choose not to forgive I should be more moved by the grace of those who find it within themselves to do the hard thing.

This seems an appropriate reflection in this season of packing up, restoring order and starting fresh...
1) When I wrong someone else, I pray I may find true humility and repentence, then ask their forgiveness without a sense of entitlement and
2) When I am wronged I will choose to remember how much grace has been bestowed on my heart and soul and to return grace to others as an act of worship to the One who modeled it so beautifully.

2012 is looking more peaceful already.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T19:27:00.007-05:00

At 5am there were three very excited people in my bedroom. They were promptly sent back to bed "until 6." As you might imagine, they were back at 6 on the dot! My hubby and I dashed down ahead of them to make sure Santa had visited, turn on lamps, light the tree and to get camera ready. (This was all done in under 30 seconds as these faces giggled.)

And then they were off...
While the anticipation and glee is apparent, what you can't get from these photos is the soundtrack of giggles as our 21 year old cousin Scott who is home for break shouted "IT'S CHRIIIIISTMAAAAAAAS!" at the top of his lungs.
We had a great morning--brunch, church, riding new bikes around the neighborhood, but my favorite two memories of the day are of gifts from the kids.

R decided several weeks ago that he wanted to get his Daddy "a real wooden grown up bat so he doesn't have to use one of my kid ones when he plays baseball with me." It was so very special to see his pride in giving it and my husband's tenderness in receiving it.
Perhaps my most hilarious memory was opening a gift that the kids came up with all on their own...
a box of dried up pine needles they swept from under the tree a couple of weeks ago--and wrapped up all on their own. "We know how much you like the smell." They were so proud and I have laughed about it all day. Talk about a gift only a Mama could love!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Let There Be Light

2011-12-25T09:50:00.006-05:00

Christmas 2011 - Let There Be Light from North Point Media on Vimeo.

¹ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all people. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1: 1-4 TNIV

² The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. ⁶ For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. ⁷ Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.Isaiah 9:2, 6-8 NIV

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Wonderful Christmas!

2011-12-24T07:54:00.006-05:00

My children have been up since well before dawn thanks to a little family tradition passed on from my husband's childhood called Christmas Eve Gift. (The first person in the family to utter those words on 12/24 gets their choice of a gift from under the tree to open early.)

Last night there were spy laser traps set, even our mischievous little elves got involved...
So in the dead of night at 5:25am we were startled awake by my sweet girl YELLING at the top of her lungs, "CHRISTMAS EVE GIFT!" in the hall outside all our rooms. It was hard to be frustrated when I heard her tremendously satisfied and nervously excited giggles.

The sparkle in their eyes, the energy, the wonder... There is nothing in the world like a 7 year old's Christmas Eve anticipation.

Childlike faith in things unseen. Imagination. Hopefulness and excitement about what is to come. Yes, these are responses to secular celebrations of the season--but they teach me so much and lend lots of opportunities for parallels to the wonder of the REAL Christmas story. They help my heart remember how it was designed to feel.

I am not a Santa or elf apologist. We are grace-loving folks who don't get into the elf surveillance or 'earning your gifts' observations. We redirect to what really matters when things seem to be getting out of kilter. But it is OK to have fun!

As with most everything in life, balance and perspective are key. And my 7 year olds think Jesus is even more awesome for letting us all have so much fun celebrating His birthday.

Merry Christmas!

Changing His Diaper

2011-12-23T23:48:00.000-05:00

A simple but beautiful entry from Donald Miller for Christmas Eve reflection...

Demolition, Renovation, Randomness & Christmas

2011-12-22T20:17:00.006-05:00

We started a home renovation project last week. (Yes, that's crazy at Christmas, but the crews needed the work and we wanted to be sure we were finished by the time school gets out for Summer). The purpose of the renovation is to build another bedroom so each child has their own 'space,' and are not all sharing the same bathroom. It is not as big of an issue now as it will be in a few years, but K is quite modest (yay!!) and she is "so tired of always sitting down on boy tee tee!" I get that.

I am so thankful that I do not want to complain. I would however like to document a bit about the process this week--with a sense of humor. -)

The new space is taking the place of my attic and garage, so twice this week I have had knocks on my door from kind workers asking me to clear out the junk. Monday it was at 7:45am--a great time for cleaning out a garage, right? Tuesday it was just as I was loading all the children in the car to run an errand that I heard their request to remove all the contents from the attic. So, with the help of said kind workers, I did.

Trouble is, with no attic and no garage and my very small cellar area currently serving as Santa's Workshop there was really no place to put it...so my clutter abhorring self currently has a master bath stacked with storage boxes and a hallway (or two) lined with random attic contents. Did I mention that all of these things are covered in a thick layer of dust and dryer lint because of a malfunctioning dryer vent? I am so stuffed up that my runny eyes are having trouble focusing on my laptop screen.

I am reminded that growth, expansion and renovation can be messy, inconvenient and costly. I have no doubt that the end product will be worth the hassle...but the process is a real pain.

I am sick. I am tired. My surroundings are in upheaval...but it is temporary. I chose to do this. There is a reward in the end.

This is not always true in the storms of life. Many times we don't get to choose our mess. Often the demolition is a consequence rather than a conscious choice. In many chaotic seasons it is very difficult to see what God is up to and what the ultimate end will be that could possibly justify the means.

Our little town got smacked by dangerous storms this afternoon. They came out of nowhere and caused serious destruction. (None to us, but lots to other people in our community.) It was April weather in the middle of December. Isn't that generally the way that it goes...major life upheaval arriving without warning? Seemingly random occurrences that change the course of our lives?

As we were riding around town tonight surveying the damage, K said, "I wonder what God's up to. This is part of His plan. I wonder why."
While I was still marveling at the faith of children--feeling simultaneously challenged, convicted and inspired--P asked about why God let bad things happen and R started talking to him about the purpose of things "like the plagues because Pharaoh would not let those people go."

Our faith is centered on the belief that it is not random. That God has a greater goal or plan even when we can't comprehend it at all. The demolition of our circumstances is to make way for something better/more needed...holiness.

I thought of Mary. What must it felt like for her to have her very simple, humble life so radically interrupted by the Angel's visit?

I thought of Joseph. His world got rocked. His fiancee bearing a child not from his seed...but from God?

I thought of the Shepherds, quietly serving in their lowly positions out in the dark fields on a silent night, then the sky lit up and their lives were changed for good.

I thought of my own life and the countless times the storms have nearly wrecked me and the renovations to my heart have made me sick and tired.

And I praised God...for not giving up on me...for lovingly restoring me...for caring enough to do the hard work required to make my heart more like His...for entering in rather than pulling away.

This is the message of Christmas.

The Hopes & Fears of All the Years

2011-12-20T20:51:00.005-05:00

Sunday we attended Buckhead Church in Atlanta. Rodney Anderson, singles pastor, mentioned that his favorite Christmas carol lyric was from O Little Town of Bethlehem. Specifically, he quoted the portion that says, "The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight."

That phrase seems to capture the magic of Christmas for Believers. The hope that the baby Jesus represents is what our souls still crave today--that our deepest fears can be comforted and our heartfelt hopes we be met.

This world can weigh heavily on our hearts. We are burdened by our sin, the sin of others, trials we face or watch those we care about go through. We bring those things to Jesus...our hopes and fears, our hurts and dreams.

The beauty of the coming of this long expected Jesus is that He came. In coming to us rather than requiring us to come to Him He has demonstrated His willingness and His ability to enter in to our world with humility and with hope.

In researching this hymn tonight I came across an old legend from the early church. The legend is that when Jesus was a baby, whenever the people of His little village felt tired, worried, or fearful they would say to each other, "Let us go and look at Mary’s child." And they would go and look at Jesus and somehow all their troubles rolled away.

In the next few days leading up to Christmas, I pray that I will pause to follow the lead of the villagers in the legend. "Let us go and look at Mary's child."

Super Woman vs. Abiding Woman

2011-12-20T08:20:00.003-05:00

I saw this and promptly pinned it, printed it and reposted it...

Source: daeofourlives.blogspot.com via Tasha on Pinterest

What a great reminder.

A Page from Old

2011-12-19T21:17:00.008-05:00

Tonight my husband and I decided to take on an attic purge/reorganization after the children went to bed. We were making great progress until I found a small black container labeled "Jen's journals." Holy cow!! What a treasure trove/walk down memory lane. My productiveness ceased and I have been completely engrossed in the journal I kept (quite sporadically) in college and my first year as a young professional.

It is AMAZING to re-read the cries of my heart (usually written at night and when I was lonely/longing). What an amazing reminder of God's provision to see how He honored the cries of a young woman's heart. My absolute favorite was an excerpt from my 1:15am entry September 23. 1994. (How can that possibly be 17 years ago?? AAHHH!)

To provide some context, I was apparently supposed to be studying for an exam in a class called Individual and Family Resource management and the primary topic was values and goals. So, I wrote my #1 value and 12 goals. It was amazing to see 17 years later, how many of those are still a very important part of my daily life. (11 out of 12 to be exact) I closed my entry with a random paragraph of prayer for my future husband (even though I was still 4 years away from meeting him). A precious reminder from my 20 year old self about the importance of intentionality...in our marriages, our parenting, our friendships, our lives in general.

To quote my favorite, Andy Stanley: "Direction, not intention, determines your destination." It is not enough to just hope something happens. We have to make decisions that support the outcome we hope for.

As I read through pages and pages of this journal I was reminded of lots of cringe-worthy moments (primarily involving misplaced affections and short-lived crushes.) As I sit in my warm home tonight, feeling so very loved and secure, it still pricked my heart to read of my loneliness and my fears about the future. It was so long ago and yet those feelings--they give me great compassion for others in that season. Oh, how I urge you to trust Him.

I finally closed the dusty old pages tonight with a big goofy grin on my face and praising God for the history that He & I have. It has been quite a journey so far, and He has never let me go.

Love Wins

2011-12-18T22:56:00.000-05:00

We are still in the car (at 10:25 pm) returning from a fun-filled but jam packed weekend of family time. We celebrated my mother in law's birthday, Christmas with them, and two different Christmas gatherings today with both my Mom and my Dad's sides of the family.

In the midst of all of it I had to deal with something most of us face during the holidays--interaction with a relative with whom I have a strained relationship. I had been anxiously anticipating the encounter. I do not enjoy conflict. I hate being out of sync with people in my life. Playing games is not my relational M.O.

I had been through multiple scenarios and imaginary conversations in my head. In some I was wise, humble, loving and mature. In others I was not.

I confessed it to a couple of friends. I started praying about it and I decided that despite my flesh's temptation to be immature and draw lines in the sand, I would choose love (however unearned and undeserved it felt). If there were a lesson to be taught (my prideful downfall sometimes) or a point to make--it would be grace.

And guess what? Real progress was made, a thaw happened in a chilly relationship and it was all to the glory of God. I kept repeating to myself that love was a verb (even in non-marrital relationships) and I kept praying for wisdom in my speech. God honored my obedience and I learned a lesson (again) in the power of humility and unconditional love.

I know all too well that it doesn't always work so quickly and that I am likely to find myself in this place again. Yet, I couldn't help but grin at God's timing--here at Christmas. It is, afterall, the message of the season...a completely unearned gift of grace sent to a people whose reception was chilly (there wasn't even room at the inn!)

Emulating that kind of love is our command. We cannot control the actions of others, only our response to it.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~Eph. 4:32

Love wins. Praise be to God.

Love as a Verb

2011-12-16T23:06:00.005-05:00

During my laundry sorting a few days ago, I listened to an Andy Stanley talk on 'Staying in Love.'

I was struck by one particular part where Andy spoke of a hypothetical marriage counseling session with Jesus. He imagined a scenario like this (I am paraphrasing here.)
Jesus: Are you loving your wife?
Man: I used to.
Jesus: Then go home and love each other.
Man: But we really don't anymore.
Jesus: That's precisely your problem. You gotta do it then you'll feel it. Quit treating love like a noun and treat it like a verb instead. The foundation for a long term love relationship is to make love a verb.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

The world says love is a noun, a feeling, a fleeting thing that can be kindled or lost. Jesus commands us to make it a verb. There are no caveats for feelings and/or whether it has been earned or not. We are simply told to do it.

Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity.
1 John 3:18

Church on Christmas Day

2011-12-15T09:56:00.006-05:00

My kids get out tomorrow for break, so I have been scurrying around trying to make sure everything that needs to be handled before I am full-time Mommy again is complete. My evenings have been spent making memories and addressing Christmas cards, so I apologize that this little blog has suffered!

A couple of days ago I read an interesting post I thought I would pass along. I don't intend to start a debate here...I believe deep, rich, true faith is far more than just 'what we do' (i.e., going to church on Christmas Day or not) but I do think what we do is often an outward representation of what is going on in our hearts.

While my 'list of reasons' might look slightly different than this author's, I thought the post had some worthwhile points to ponder.

Will we make Christmas Day 'all about us,' our traditions, our comfort, our memory making, our convenience or will will rearrange things to 'accommodate' the observance of the One who went to such great lengths for us?

What message does it send about what we really worship: the Giver or the Gifts?

Choosing Joy

2011-12-12T22:00:00.004-05:00

I came across this old post tonight while looking for something else and it took my breath away--mainly because I had watched an amazing PSA about melanoma earlier then scrolled down to see a healthy looking Sweeney. (If you have been reading for a while you will recall that he eventually succumbed to metastatic melanoma in April of 2010).

As if the photo weren't enough, I was very convicted by the words I wrote accompanying the post. Cabell & Mike had just received a great report when I wrote it. Friends and family breathed a collective sigh of relief. We rejoiced that Sweeney might get his miracle--healing of his body on this Earth rather than in Heaven.

Three years later, my heart is burdened by other heartaches. Even tonight I have been asking God how to pray for a couple of friends who are in DIRE places. I was convicted by my own words:

"It occurred to me that I wanted JOY to settle in and take residence in my life the way sorrow, worry and concern had a few months ago. I want my waking and final thoughts to be those of joy. And when I wake in the middle of the night, why is it always by concerns rather than joy?

Christmas seems to be the most appropriate time of the year to learn this lesson. God was truly Emmanuel to our friends as we have walked through this dark time. His presence has been felt. He has been our source of strength, help and comfort...and now, to HIM be the glory."

And three years later I am learning the same lesson...joy in ALL circumstances.
Joy that Sweeney is whole and healed in Heaven.
Joy that this Earth is not our home and not the final chapter in our lives.
Joy that God has a plan that differs from mine. (gulp)

I must also choose to remember that Jesus was called Emmanuel--God with us. He is with us in the joy and with us in the pain. His decisions not to intervene in the ways we expect Him to are not a reflection on His love for us...they are a reflection of our difference in perspective and our lack of trust in His ways and His plans.

Ouch, again.

Mary would likely have not written her story the way it turned out: Virgin, impregnated, disgraced and forced to tell a story that sounded ludicrous...riding a donkey great distances in the final days of her pregnancy, delivering her son in a stable amidst the livestock...watching her son grow up and leave to bear an enormous burden we cannot comprehend, standing by as he was brutally murdered by the very ones He came to serve and save.

No, it is not the story she would have written...but it is the story she obediently lived out. The history of the world was changed because she submitted to God's plan.

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:38 (NIV)

It is not documented that she whined, complained, lamented or rebelled. I imagine that's why God chose her.

May it be for us as well.

A Visit with Santa

2011-12-10T21:53:00.008-05:00

Today we went to Atlanta to see our favorite Santa Claus--although the jury is still out among my children as to whether he is the REAL deal or "just a famous person dressing up like him." (I listen to these conversations and don't get involved in pushing them either way.)

Although we had already mailed letters early last week, this was my trio's opportunity to make sure their wishes were known. P went first, nervously giggling and wide-eyed as he asked for "a dart set, a waterproof digital watch and a Kirby DS game."

Next it was K's turn to request "a real sewing machine, an "Emily" American Girl doll and a 20 inch bike." When Santa asked her if she might work on a new suit for him for next Christmas she grinned and shook her head affirmatively.
R wrapped up our crew, mentioning his desire for a new 20 inch bike, a Cars 2 video game and Harry Potter Legos. Santa was quite knowledgeable and spent a moment discussing his favorite parts of the Cars 2 movie.

My husband and I were surprised to see our wedding photographer there working the event. It was great fun to come full circle with him after 10 years--from starry eyed bride and groom to parents in the thick of childhood activities. Ten years suddenly seemed not long ago at all!

(Is it just me or do my people look so BIG in this photo with their grandparents?)

As we were leaving Santa asked the children if our elves were behaving. They excitedly reported on the mischievous antics of Otto & Max. Santa asked if they had engaged in a marshmallow snowball fight yet--the thought of which thrilled the children to no end. I wouldn't be surprised if those little guys pull a stunt like that tonight!

Merry, Merry!

Little St. Nick

2011-12-10T08:43:00.002-05:00

This is recycled from the vault, but I watched it again this morning and it made me smile. R (aged 5)

Happy Christmas!

Gifts

2011-12-08T15:36:00.014-05:00

My friend Cabell believes in extravagant love and lavish giving at Christmas time. Need I remind you of this amazing treat back in 2009?

Last night our little group of girl friends returned to her house for a Christmas dinner. Christmas is Cabell's favorite holiday, but it is also only 5 days after Sweeney's birthday--and full of reminders of their years together and his absence. It is difficult to believe this will be Cabell's second Christmas as a widow.

We brought armfuls of gifts we had carefully selected in an attempt to show our friend the over-the-top love she so freely & selflessly offers others through the giving of herself daily. As she opened her gifts and cried overwhelmed tears, we teared up too--satisfied that we had managed to return to her a small taste of the love we had felt from her friendship.

After Cabell had opened all her gifts there were still five beautifully wrapped gifts of various shapes and sizes under the tree. There were no name tags or labels. Our curiosity was piqued. Then Cabell explained (with a sly grin) that this year we would be playing a game to get our gifts.

A Christmas Trivia Throwdown ensued--complete with a side table wrapped in Christmas lights in the middle of the room where we had to stand "Family Feud style" as she asked questions. It was both hilarious and anxiety-producing as we fought each other for the jingle bells when we knew the answer. There was a great deal of laughter, smack talking, nerves...and a fair bit of whining among friends.

Cabell is a fantastic artist AND has an amazingly generous heart. Her wares are sold all over the US. We knew there were wonderful treats in those boxes, but the following phrases were uttered anyway.
"Seriously?"
"I don't want to compete for my gifts."
"Do I have to play?"
"I am not good at this!"
"Really? What if someone else gets something amazing and I am left disappointed?"
And in response to all our chatter, Cabell kept repeating the phrase: No one will go home disappointed.

Of course I wouldn't go home disappointed! This group of women is so life-giving, just being with them was a treat. Each of them adds much value to my life because of the women they are. Yet, the ominous 'gift distribution' was looming. Clearly, we were all getting different things and there was great disparity in the boxes. It would be hard not to compare.

After an hour or so of trivia face-offs, with candy canes as points, we were directed to tally our scores. Then, starting with the lowest scoring person we were one-by-one given to choice of two gifts. Each box, large and small, contained an abundance of beautiful Christmas-themed hand painted ceramic goodies--a dozen ornaments, measuring spoons and cups, a set of coffee mugs, salad bowls to coordinate with our Christmas china, mixing/serving bowls. About halfway through the gifts, Cabell left the room and returned with a large gift that appeared to be a wall canvas of some sort.

My friend Cammie was the victor, so she was given the final choice of the remaining two gifts--a large box or the big canvas. She selected the canvas and we all watched with bated breath as she unwrapped an amazing personalized piece of art depicting her family decking the halls.

While we oohed and aahed in awe, Cabell slipped out of the room. She returned carrying multiple large canvases wrapped in brown paper...and we realized that we each were receiving a 3ft x 4ft personalized Christmas painting in addition to the other amazing goodies! It was seriously better than Oprah's favorite things. We squealed, hugged, jumped and remarked over and over..."She promised we wouldn't go home disappointed."

And, of course, the metaphor lovin' girl that I am, I was reminded of the way life often works in this world. It feels like a game...a battle for points and stuff. We unwrap gifts all along the way, but rather than reveling in the beauty of what we've received, our human nature leads us to compare them to what the people around us are getting. We compete. We get discouraged that we aren't smart enough or good enough at the game. We question the rules, the fairness---unless of course it is going our way, then we fight the urge to gloat. We get discouraged. We whine. We want to quit.

All the while we are looking at the One running the game thinking: Why are you doing this? I thought you loved me? Is this really fair?

All too frequently we fail to realize the abundant gifts we have already received...being in His presence, as a recipient of His love, surrounded by community, alive, saved...our faith starts to hinge on circumstances and trust. We start to use gifts and our perceptions about equity and fairness to become the barometer of His love.

But we forget that our God wrote the game. He knows despite all the twists and turns how it all turns out. He has been preparing a place for us-and preparing us for that place.

I can almost picture the twinkle in His eyes as my Savior says: I promise, you won't go Home disappointed.

Don't Give Up

2011-12-07T18:36:00.003-05:00

Source: stylemepretty.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

I don't know who this couple is...but I simply ADORE this photo and all it represents.

My heart literally aches as a result of some very sad situations with people I love that are in the midst of crumbling marriages. It is complicated and painful--and getting out is not proving to be nearly the relief they had thought. It is hard...and there are far-reaching ripples.

I do not want to oversimplify the 'secret' to successful and long-lasting marriage. There are so many challenges when two flawed, naturally self-seeking people try to unite into one team with one goal despite their numerous differences of backgrounds, needs, communication styles, expectations...

However, I know that commitment to keep at it (especially when it is hard) is at the core of the ones who make it, as promised, "'til death do us part."

Searching for a Hero

2011-12-06T21:14:00.003-05:00

I read this article this morning--and even though I am not a fan of the NFL--I was really struck by the conclusion the author came to regarding all of the disdain for former Florida quarterback, Tim Tebow. For those of you who aren't football fans, don't tune out just yet. This isn't a story about football as much as it is a story about our society and our propensity for raising people up and then tearing them back down.

"Their dislike for Tim Tebow is not, as they would have us believe, about his throwing motion or his completion percentage; it's all about his open professions of faith and his goody-two shoes image. When it comes right down to it, we don't want heroes who are truly good. We want them to fail the occasional drug test or start a bar fight from time to time. It makes us feel better about ourselves. Tebow, however, doesn't make us feel better about ourselves. People like him make us feel a little convicted about the things we say and do. So we find a reason to dislike them. Or, when Tebow says that glory goes to God and the credit for a victory goes to his teammates, coaches, and family, we are suspicious. An increasingly jaded culture, we don't believe that anyone can say such things and really mean them." -Larry Taunton, Director of Fixed Point Foundation and author of The Grace Effect: How the Power of One Life Can Reverse the Corruption of Unbelief.

It is an interesting point to ponder: We want people to look up to and admire, but we still want to see their flaws. We don't want them to be too good. When I posted this article earlier today on facebook, a friend of mine likened it to the way adult virgins are treated/laughed at in our culture. Why is innocence and/or righteousness such an object of ridicule? Why does it make the world so suspicious?

We need not idolize anyone--but what is this need to expose one another? Why must our self worth be based on lessening someone else's? We all lose in that proposition.

Clearly, no one living today is without sin. We all have our struggles--but there are still men and women who are pursuing holiness and righteousness, however counterculture it may be. I hope to be counted as one of them. Don't you? So, let's surround each other "as a great cloud of witnesses," cheering, spurring one another on, encouraging and praying. Heaven knows, there is enough opposition in the world as it is!

Remembering the Golden Rule

2011-12-04T21:17:00.006-05:00

My favorite time of day with my people is when we get stolen one-on-one moments to talk. Usually, this is bedtime. My R has major sleep requirements and he crashes (and burns) most nights by 7:45, but I frequently have special encounters with P & K as I tuck each of them in. I know it won't last forever, our little bedtime ritual, but I am so grateful for time to chat, pray and snuggle that this season affords.

K & I have a deal that I always tuck her in last "so we can talk as long as we need to." She is the master of thinking of very complex matters to discuss just as I am walking out of her room. Many nights I rush through it, exhausted and thinking about the things I want to do once the house is quiet...but when I give her an extra 2-3 minutes I am usually blown away by the depth of her thoughts.

Tonight, it was about the Golden Rule. With wide brown eyes she passionately explained how so many kids in her class misunderstand that verse. She dramatically explained that THEY think the Golden Rule mean to treat people the way they are treating you..."like if someone is mean, some kids think that means you are mean right back to them." She was greatly offended by this thought.

"Mama! Jesus would NOT say that was the right way to behave! Besides then someone would be mean and you would be mean back and then they would be mean back and it would just go on and on and on. Someone has to be kind and be an example!"

And even as I type it here tonight--as much as a reminder to myself to remember my darling little girl at this precious, innocent and sweet age--I am convicted by the simplicity that so many adults often overlook.

Stop the cycle.
Of meanness.
Of gossip.
Of jealousy.
Of competition.
Of infighting.
Of tearing one another down instead of building each other up.

It is not about what the other person did or didn't do...It is not about you and your wounded pride. It is about who Jesus was, what He did and what He said.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. " -Jesus, as recorded in Luke 6:31-33 NIV

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." -Jesus, as recorded in John 15:11-12 NIV

Blessed Neglect

2011-12-03T13:33:00.004-05:00

I hadn't intended to be 'offline' from blogging for the last few days...but, alas, life has had other plans. My 'real' life has required a lot from me this week. I have a single mama friend who is very sick, a young friend who is in the throes of despair, volunteer leadership responsibilities that have been weightier, a dear friend who is dealing with a broken heart--and I had been gone for a week and was already behind. This doesn't even include the normal requirements of motherhood and being a wife--or the fact that I hadn't decorated for Christmas.

I chose to let a lot of my responsibilities go this week in order to be where I felt needed more urgently. God gave me great peace this week about the mountain of laundry, the dishes in the sink, the growing To Do list left in the wake. This is not normal for me. I am a wee bit on the neurotic side when it comes to order. For the first time in as long as I can remember I looked at the mounting (but not really pressing) tasks and knew it was OK. I was where He wanted me to be--and it wasn't doing chores.

I had been reflecting on this today and marveling at the work God was doing (so clearly against the normal bent of my flesh) when I saw a tweet from John Piper than summed it up: "There is a blessed neglect. (Luke 10:42)"

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:40-42 NIV

Most of us have read this passage countless times, but something about the phrase "blessed neglect" really comforted me. So often I count my inability to do it all as irresponsible, disorganized, or failure. The word neglect, especially, carries a really negative connotation...but we all know it is impossible to do and/or be it all. Something has to give. And so, I love the thought of the things that we have to let go of (even if only temporarily) being blessed.

In this season when calendars are crazy-- extra events, expenses and errands at every turn--I pray we can be prayerful about what is necessary, or to quote Jesus, "better" and to chose that with confidence and peace. Here's to blessed neglect!

What Happens Next

2011-11-30T21:03:00.006-05:00

One of the general behavior issues we have been dealing with in my home full of 7 year olds is impulsiveness and the lack of self control. I have been especially grateful for the curriculum our church has been covering with the children on Wednesday nights: Proverbs--and specifically, wisdom versus foolishness. The foundation has been laid for some great conversations regarding decision making, actions and reactions--pursuing wisdom and fleeing from foolishness.

The phrase that has resonated most with my trio, however, was born (out of all things) from a recent discussion of tanning salons. As we were driving past a strip mall a couple of weeks ago, K noticed a tanning salon.
"Mom, do people really go there even though that causes cancer?" she asked.
"Yes, they do."
"But, why, Mommy?" she pressed.
"Well, honey, they just want to get a quick tan because they like the way it looks. They are only thinking about now--they aren't thinking about what happens next." I replied.

At least 6 times in the week that followed, I found myself using that phrase when explaining why something wasn't a good choice.
"Think about what happens next..."
They really are starting to grasp the concept. This week I have even overheard them reminding each other, "think about what happens next."

Consequences. This is not just a lesson for our children. I was recently with a friend whose life is in turmoil, complicated greatly by an inappropriate relationship. As I listened to the back story of all the factors that led to the relationship I couldn't help but think about the dozens and dozens of decisions that were made to lower guardrails and take one small step at a time towards sin with devastating consequences. After we had been talking for a while, I asked my friend (with far more curiosity than judgment), "What did you think was going to happen? How did you think this was all going to turn out?"
A tearful, broken stare looked back at me.

Isn't it true for most of us that the real problem lies in the fact that we don't stop to ask ourselves this most basic question. It is true of me far more often than I would like to admit.

When I am frustrated and want to fire off a biting remark,
when sending an e-mail to defend my pride would feel great,
when I want to overeat,
impulsively purchase,
share a story I have heard about someone else,
yell at my children...

Rather than thinking only about how good it will feel in the moment, I would be well-served to pause and ask myself, "what happens next?"

Chosen

2011-11-29T10:46:00.004-05:00

I have mentioned previously that my small group has been reading The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. I really recommend it. It is an easy read broken into small segments--but the truths and the encouragement contained within are powerful!

This week there was a passage that I wish I could shout from the rooftops to women who are wondering how/why they are 'stuck' in their current life position. Pardon how much I am about to quote...but I feel strongly that there are many reading my blog who need to read these words:

"You are not here by accident at this moment...It is not mistake that you are living right now with your own set of circumstances, dealing with your specific set of issues all while working within your personalized set of skills and abilities.

God has made you and placed you here. On purpose.

He has selected you, and everything about you, to participate in the work He is doing at this point in history. Like a coach who methodically considers what runner to put on the track at particular stages of a relay race, God's choice of you for this leg of the marathon was by design.
That's why you're here. In this position.
Facing that project.
Married to that man.
Involved in that friendship.
Dealing with that issue.
Living in that neighborhood.
Spearheading that committee.
Participating in that activity.
Mothering those children.
Living this life.
Not because it has accidentally happened like this but because you have been known and chosen by the one Coach who sees you as uniquely suited, equipped, and capable of carrying out such amazing plans with such intricate precision.
You are the one, my friend.
You. Are. The. One."
-Priscilla Shirer, The Resolution for Women

Can I get an Amen???

If you need some Scripture to back this up (as you should), I leave you with this:

"Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you..." Jeremiah 1:5 The Message

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit..." John 15:16 The Message

Whatever you circumstance right now...no matter how you got there (your sin, the sin of others, illness, etc...) it DID NOT catch God off guard. You are not beyond the reach of His love, His forgiveness or His restoration. I may not understand it, but I do believe it. I pray that all who read this will find some comfort in His Truth today.

Light 'Em Up

2011-11-27T22:46:00.004-05:00

I am not sure how I haven't come across this blog before...but in a few minutes of poking around last night I realized I really like the tone and the ideas. Specifically, this idea for ways for families with children to celebrate Christmas in a way that blesses our communities. Don't we all want to raise children who are compassionate and trained to look for ways to bless others? I love the idea of being salt & light as a way to celebrate Advent...and the ultimate Light of the World's birthday.

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:13-16 The Message

The post includes several free printables to make this VERY doable, even with short notice. I am planning to begin later this week with my children, by putting the action items in the pockets of our Advent calendar...I love the thought of waking up each morning anticipating what we get to do to serve others that day!

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

I really appreciate that this is not intended to be guilt producing or stressful--but rather an opportunity to refocus our children (and ourselves) on giving that they can take part in. What better new Christmas tradition to establish than one that adds real meaning to the holiday?

And if this is not your thing, make sure to check out the links to other great Christmas celebration ideas at the end (including Ann VosKamp's Jesse Tree devotion).

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!

On Giving Thanks

2011-11-26T20:16:00.003-05:00

I mentioned earlier in the week that this trip to New York had been in discussion for a few years. Only over the course of the last several months did we begin actually making reservations and plans. Then, in the last couple of weeks my in-laws generously began making it clear that this trip was largely a gift from them.

As a very independent woman, I resisted at first. It was certainly not out of a lack of gratitude, as much out of a sense of respect (and my fleshly battle with pride and control). While I thought their offer was incredibly generous, it didn't feel necessary. I appreciated it but was a little uncomfortable.

Throughout the trip, each time they insisted on paying for a meal I felt somewhat embarrassed. My mind raced with ways to even the score. How could we pay them back? What type of gift could we give them to possibly 'catch up.'

Somewhere along the way (honestly, far later in the trip that it should have been) I realized, they didn't want us to try to get even. They simply wanted to give--to love us extravagantly. They wanted the gift of time together, making memories and building/strengthening relationships. They wanted us to share an adventure (even one that was hard on them physically). They wanted to enjoy the laughter and smiles of my children as they made new discoveries.This morning over breakfast I told my mother-in-law what a fairy tale trip it had been--and how sincerely we enjoyed and appreciated it. Her eyes welled up with tears as she said, "that's just what I wanted!"

And I had a revelation: While it may have seemed we had scrapped traditional Thanksgiving in lieu of other pursuits, I think I have actually learned to understand thanksgiving a bit more. Our Father in Heaven gives good gifts to His children. He wants us to share the adventure of life with Him. From His Hands come our every meal, breath and experience.

We can drive ourselves crazy trying to even the score...but it is simply impossible. He has given more than we can ever repay.

The greatest gift we can give in return is gratitude. As we stop the power struggle, the pride, the feeble attempts at repayment and choose instead to engage in relationship with Him...He is satisfied.

All we need to bring is an offering of thanks.

NYC Day 4 & Day 5

2011-11-26T18:56:00.001-05:00

Two years ago I had my only experience with Black Friday craziness. My experience seeking Zhu Zhu pets at midnight at Toys R Us was enough to deter me from trying that again anytime soon. The thought of the crowds and chaos of Manhattan amplified by Black Friday was more than I could bear...so you can imagine my surprise to find my family standing smack in the middle of Toys R Us NYC at 8:30am the day after Thanksgiving.

My husband had this brilliant idea that the fact we are raising early birds might actually work to our favor when it came to getting a ride on the Ferris wheel inside the TRU store. I scoffed. It was BLACK FRIDAY in Manhattan. Had he lost his mind? Yet, after waking at 6:30, eating doughnuts from a street vendor and walking around for a while, we decided to wander by just to see. The store was quite empty--and particularly devoid of people young enough to desire a ride on the Ferris wheel! There was no line at all.

After marking that off the children's list, we walked over to Bryant Park in time for a morning of ice skating.After skating and lunch we went to see the fantastic Mary Poppins. It was everything a Broadway show should be--the costumes, dancing, singing, set, theater...everything was first rate! The only downside was that a very important football game was happening during the whole second half of the show. (LSU/Arkansas)

We found a terrific place for dinner (The Counter) that had the game on--and had ourselves an SEC football tailgate of sorts with burgers and football smack in the middle of NYC.

We took the children back to the hotel for bed and were able to enjoy a few hours out with an old friend and his fiancee.

This morning we woke up intent on making the most of a very small window of time. We walked back to Central Park and let the children explore until the Museum of Natural History opened at 10--then we tried to see as much as we could in 1 hour (which was about 4 exhibits on fast forward) before checking out and venturing back to LaGuardia for our flight.

We are all the best kind of tired...filled with many new memories, lots of stories and no regrets.

Real life was waiting...with stacks of bills to be paid, an empty refrigerator, lists of to do items and bags of dirty laundry. The heartbreaking 'real life' stuff going on with people I care about is still here...but it is OK. NYC was a fairy tale--I feel both exhausted and rejuvenated from the temporary escape, but I prefer to live in real life.

It was so easy to miss God amidst the glitz of the big city. I have a better understanding of how people can get caught up in the lights and the noise and miss His still small voice. As challenging as it can be to live in the grime, I am thankful for the opportunity to see Him at work here.

NYC: Day 3 (Thanksgiving)

2011-11-24T19:50:00.009-05:00

One of the primary deciding factors in our hotel selection (other than price) was proximity to the parade route. With three 7 year old bladders and unpredictable weather, we really wanted to try to secure a room with a view. After a bit of research, we decided the cost for that privilege was not something we could get comfortable with. My father-in-law loves a research challenge--especially as it relates to value--so he took it on and found a great older hotel on the route.

Although we had read all about how early people arrive for the parade, I honesty thought that applied more for people who were trying to get seats in the prime viewing areas on Columbus Circle, near Macy's etc...We woke up at our usual 6ish this morning and lounged a bit. At 6:30 I wandered downstairs to get a Starbucks and 'scout it out.' When I found the hotel lobby completely quiet I felt like the early bird. Then, I stepped out onto the street and realized we were actually quite behind! I frantically texted the rest of our crew and rushed back upstairs to bundle up our people.

We made it down the street around 6:45 and took our place on the cold sidewalk. The weather was clear and 35ish degrees. We were about 5-6 rows back. There are a few tips I wish I would have known: you can bring chairs, you should get there by 6am for a front row seat...or stand on a corner where the will be shutting down a cross street. Nevertheless, for two and a half hours the children were TROOPERS fueled by handheld games, hot cocoa, bagels and a lively rocks-scissors-paper competition.

At 9:15 the parade came into view with clowns, police officers and the first marching band rousing everyone to their feet. By this time, a community of sorts had formed and the children (ours and others) were allowed to line the front two rows for the duration of the parade. The children had PRIME viewing--but it was virtually impossible to get a glimpse of their faces (or a photo). I was afraid that after all the preparation and the waiting we might be disappointed by the parade--but it was simply not the case. We watched for two solid hours with no whining, complaints or potty breaks. The atmosphere was jovial and exciting. It is very different watching the parade on the route than the version we see on television. Although all the marching bands perform all along the route, the 'celebrities' do not until they get in front of Macy's. Also, the balloons are really incredible in person. And, even though I am really not a Santa-crazy person I confess I had chills when he arrived. It was the anticipation largely--and seeing the side profiles of my very excited children. We will never watch the parade on tv with the same perspective.

After the parade we got gussied up for a very nice traditional Thanksgiving lunch my inlaws had reserved.

Our usual Thanksgiving surroundings are my dining room in small town Georgia--a far cry from the fancy, Uptown Manhattan table where we dined today. Yet, the warmth was the same because it wasn't about where we were as much as who we were with. I missed the prescence of my side of the family--and we all paused to talk about the loss of Nana this year. My mother-in-law brought along a sweet touch of home--the small battered slips of paper bearing Bible verses we read each year.

After our formal Thanksgiving celebration we explored FAO Schwartz and enjoyed some of the incredibly decorated store windows before capping off the day with a carriage ride through Central Park.

When we got back to the room tonight K put on her pajamas, laid down and looked up at me with a loopy, satisfied grin. "Mama, I am worn-ded OUT!"

All of my fears about the children being too young for this have been allayed. We are truly having a fairy tale trip!

NYC: Day 2 (A FULL Day!)

2011-11-24T18:42:00.010-05:00

Yesterday was our first full day in the city. The weather was less than cooperative, raining off and on all day. But staying in the hotel all day didn't seem like an option, so we suited up in rain gear and made the best of it!

Our morning began with a brisk walk to the edge of Central Park for a delicious breakfast at Sarabeth's (a favorite of my friend Deanna). We were first in line for their 8am opening (an advantage of children who rise like clockwork between 6-6:30am). After breakfast we took a cab ride to pier 84 to board a water taxi down the Hudson River. (P journalling along the way. Makes this Mama's heart happy!)

I wasn't sure what to expect, but the combination of the airport-like security screening, the presence of my children and the large collection of photos documenting the world's response to the tragedy stirred my emotions. As we approached the memorial pools the scope and the depth of the tragedy--and the overwhelming number of lives lost felt very tangible. Being able to touch the names was a stark reminder that they were each really lives. One of the attendants at the memorial gave us scrolls and crayons for the children to make rubbings of a few names (including the lump-in-throat-producing "Deanna Lynn Galante and her unborn child"). It was a collision of my worlds---10 years apart.

One other striking part of the Memorial is the buzz of activity and rebuilding happening all around. It is a reminder of the redemptive nature of God. We mourn what was lost, even as we rebuild and move on. Poignant indeed.

We grabbed hotdogs from a street vendor before we reboarded the water taxi for a photo op with the Statue of Liberty. After our tour we saw the Lion King--which totally lived up to the hype. The performances, the music, the set design and costuming were all totally enthralling for all ages in our group.

Following the show, we journeyed back to Central Park (via the subway!) to see the annual balloon inflation in preparation for the parade. It was a sight to see--but VERY crowded. We capped off our evening with a yummy Mexican dinner and returned back to the hotel for rest. (R crashed at the restaurant!)

Along the way I heard from a dear friend from high school who happened to also be in town and only a couple of blocks away (sometimes 'checking in' on facebook pays off). It was an unexpected treat to get to spend some time catching up with her while my sweet husband stayed with our sleeping trio.

Whew! It was a long day--but no one seemed to mind--except maybe our tired feet!

NYC Day 1

2011-11-22T20:54:00.001-05:00

Despite a lot of rain, our first day in Manhattan did not disappoint. After checking in our hotel and rejuvenating at the infamous Carnegie's Deli, we started exploring. From M&M World to the Lego store, Nintendo World and all four floors of American Girl the children were all eyes! (And we managed to not purchase a thing.)

At one point R said, "I am so glad this is not just a dream because this is FUN!"

It was amazing to see the scaffolding around the Rockefeller Center tree. Men in hard hats were stringing lights in dark rain in preparation for the holidays. Most magical was the amazing display on the Saks building. Hundreds of people (including our party of 8) were standing in the cold drizzling rain transfixed by the sights and sounds.

We capped off our evening with dinner at Ellen's Stardust Diner. All the servers are Broadway hopefuls who perform while waiting tables. It was delightful!

Rain is forecast again tomorrow, which will be less than ideal for our planned tour of the Statue of Liberty and Ground Zero--but if today was any indication, I don't think it will dampen our spirits!

We're Gonna Be A Part Of It...

2011-11-21T22:06:00.004-05:00

*photo courtesy a friend's visit from New York years ago :-)

We are off to take a bite out of the Big Apple and I am GIDDY with excitement.

My Mother-in-law and I started talking about this trip a few years ago...waiting until we felt like the children were old enough to handle the walking and the cab riding. This year seemed like the right time. (We will find out soon enough if we were right! :-)

It is quite the departure from our usual tradition of Thanksgiving at my house. I confess, I am a bit wistful about not cooking a turkey and preparing a big table for both sides of our family this year. Our hearts will still be grateful, they will just be in different surroundings.

I honestly can't remember the last time I have been this excited about a vacation. My in laws are accompanying us, as well as our Scott. It is sure to be a quick, whirlwind adventure! We have big plans...Mary Poppins, Lion King, Ground Zero, Lady Liberty, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, Central park, ice skating...and a few store fronts in between. I am planning to take good notes...I am just not sure if we are going to spring for the (rumored) $5/minute Internet in the hotel to blog while away. We'll see...

Blessings

2011-11-20T16:43:00.004-05:00

I was listening to a sermon this afternoon about the times when we find God to be uncooperative with the plans/hopes we have for our life. It was a wonderfully sobering reminder that our circumstances are not the yardstick by which we should gauge His care for us.

He sacrificed His only Son to save us from an eternity of suffering---any other blessing after that is gravy. And, frankly, my comfort is not the primary goal of God. The Enemy can so easily lead us to a place where we question everything we have seen, known, felt and believed about God's Sovereign, grace-filled goodness as a result of being uncomfortable for a season.

As we approach this week of giving thanks, I am challenged to rejoice in and be grateful for the non-traditional things...the hard times, the seasons of little, the circumstances where God has told me No...or seemed to tell me nothing at all. It is a lot harder to do isn't it?

As the sermon concluded, a soloist performed the song Blessings by Laura Story. With a lump in my throat I tried to really take in the lyrics:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Courtesy of lyricshall.com

My life (like many, I suppose) is a bittersweet mixture of extreme gratefulness and deep sadness. I am so very blessed. And yet, my heart physically aches about several situations involving people I love. It defies logic some days that I can simultaneously be so heartsick and so hopeful. It is ONLY possible because I really believe God is who He says He is--even when I don't understand the whys and hows.

"My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name." Matt Redman

Temptation (with a side of salsa)

2011-11-18T21:54:00.003-05:00

Tonight we were trying to decide where to go for a little Friday night family dinner outing. R was being particularly negative about every option we discussed. Finally, the other four of us decided on Mexican food. As we pulled into the parking lot of a nearby Mexican restaurant, R started crying. "I really don't want to eat here, Mom! They have tvs in every corner and since I lost my screen time (restriction/punishment) I will not enjoy my dinner because I will be very tempted."
He paused for just a second before adding with great drama, "I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!!!"

I had to laugh--then pause to appreciate the beauty of a child finally learning a bit about self control--and the wisdom of trying to avoid your temptations.

I learn A LOT from my seven year olds.

(We did wind up eating there, by the way, in the back corner banquet room...the ONLY place without a view of a television!)

One little, two little, three little...

2011-11-18T14:23:00.001-05:00

So thankful for these precious people and all the richness they add to my life!

Hearts for Guatemala

2011-11-17T18:37:00.007-05:00

While on an overnight without children in 2007, my husband and I spent some time discussing and crafting a "family vision." Call us geeky if you will, but it was a challenging exercise in being intentional. So many things in life seem to 'just happen.' Far too many people spend their lives merely responding. It was a special thing to sit around a table prayerfully and thoughtfully discussing the 18 years we have been given to lay a foundation in our children's lives and what we felt like the Lord wanted us to commit to doing during that time.

To be honest, I don't remember everything that was included in our final paper...the discussion proved more meaningful than the actual document we produced. However, I definitely remember many of our non-negotiables: our Christian faith, unconditional love, honoring our marital vows, being debt free and taking our children on at least one family mission trip a year.

The children and I have accompanied my husband as he served as camp doc for Young Life several times during their infant and toddler days. This past Spring we took the leap to foreign missions, with a service trip to the Dominican Republic. I was concerned that they might be too young for it to make a difference in their hearts. While it was certainly not without its challenges, the trip definitely impacted them in a meaningful way.

Two weeks ago we met with a missionary friend of ours regarding plans for 2012, a Spring Break trip to see the work Food for the Hungry is doing in Guatemala. As we discussed the agenda/emphasis options for the trip (seeing how a missionary family lives, medical care, microbusiness opportunities for the impoverished so they can better sustain themselves, Bible school for the children in remote mountain villages, visiting orphanages...) one particular project really resonated with my children--a clean water project named Eli's Wish.

The simplicity of it all gave them a clear mission--many Guatemalan children are malnourished because they don't drink water. They don't drink water because it is contaminated and gives them diarrhea. For approximately $40, water filtration systems can be installed in a home providing them with clean water. Even a first grader can get it!

My children (especially K) have really taken this need to heart. As we have looked at prices of toys they have compared that to how many families could have water. Clean water for the people in Guatemala has become a frequent prayer request. Ideas for how to raise money are periodically discussed (with no prompting from me) in the car. God is already working on their hearts and the trip is 4 months away!

But you only imagine how my heart was blessed when I received the following e-mail tonight:

"I had to share with you our dinner conversation. K told (my son) today that there are people in Guatemala that don't have clean water. He took 2 dollars out of his saved allowance to give to K for their water. Too sweet. He would die if he knew I shared but I just had to. So if K gives you a few dollars from (my son), you'll know what it's for."

When I read it to my girl she smiled and said."Great! I spent a lot of time at recess telling people about it today. There are still a few that don't know, but my friends are going to help me tomorrow so everyone in first grade will know. Do you think I should have a popcorn and movie party for whoever raises the most money?"

R then excitedly suggested it not just be the first grade. "We should get the whole school to raise money. Every class can have a contest!"

I was blown away!! God is at work in little 7 year old hearts. My girl is bold in her love and care for a people she has never met. I understood Matthew 19:14 in a whole new way.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Parenting Without Guarantees

2011-11-16T21:18:00.005-05:00

"God never called us to be the Holy Spirit for our children. Our calling is to be parents. The work of the Holy Spirit is already being done quite well and it has been from eternity past.

Read the Bible and it's not hard to see that God works in such a way that keeps us from boasting. This is not to put us down, but to set us free. If parents and parenting were truly the deciding factors in a child's faith, we would be inclined to feel proud when it all turned out well. And we would blame ourselves mercilessly when things turned out badly.

So to all proud parents, be careful of your pride. And to all heartbroken parents, don't wallow in blame and shame. Your child belonged to God long before he or she belonged to you."

-Mark Crumpler, Peachtree Presbyterian Church (Atlanta, GA)

My mother-in-law subscribes to a devotional from her church that she frequently forwards to me. Today's message was such a wonderful reminder that I wanted to record it here and pass it on. I really encourage you to go read the whole thing. (in the drop down box in the top right select 11/16/11- Guidance, Not Guarantees)

While there is clearly no 'formula' for perfect parenting and/or raising children that never break our hearts, I really loved the three questions his post concluded with (taken from Deuteronomy 6.)

"First, what do I truly love? Before Moses said anything about passing faith to the children he told the nation to love God. So what is the deepest affection of my own heart? (See 6:4-5)

Second, am I living a relationship with God or merely practicing a religion? Do the words and ways of God permeate my daily life or am I a weekend church-attendee? (See 6:6-9)

Third, do I have a story to tell? When and if my children tell me they don't understand what all the God stuff is about, will I have a story to help them see what it means and how it works? (See 6:20-21)."

-Mark Crumpler, Peachtree Presbyterian Church (Atlanta. GA)

Challenging words...such a wonderful reminder. In the successes and the failures, God is writing my children's story, just as He is writing mine.

I must follow Him and trust Him to work out His purposes in our lives.

The End of an Era

2011-11-14T21:26:00.006-05:00

Tonight marked the end of R's first Junior PeeWee football season...and perhaps his last (at least for a while).This has been a very interesting youth sports experience for us. I have always encouraged my children to try lots of different things so they could begin to coalesce what they enjoy, but this experience has been hard.

Our team is young and small. We only scored one touchdown the whole season. Our boys have all commented on how "tired of losing" they are. R's enthusiasm really waned.

I think it has been especially difficult because we had such high hopes of it being incredible. My little guy is a HUGE fan of the game of football. He studies it. He understands it. He was very excited for the chance to suit up.But he is small compared to boys his age. (That is not an optical illusion. He is the red 48 jersey in the middle being dwarfed by other boys his age.)

And as it turns out, he really does NOT enjoy being tackled.
About a month into the season (after a few long weeks of 3-4 night a week practices) he decided he didn't want to play any more. There were tears shed more than once over not wanting to go to practice.

I confess that the sacrifice our whole family was making (no weeknight family dinners at home) seemed especially frustrating when he wasn't even enjoying himself. There were two long evening conversations in my kitchen after the children had gone to bed where my husband and I discussed the cost of a lesson in honoring commitments. My husband was giving a considerable amount of the little free time he has to volunteer as an assistant coach. R quitting would take the team down a player and a coach. We had also invested in equipment, registration fees and a uniform.

I am a HUGE fan of real life moral lessons, but honestly, I was tired of the afternoons spent explaining why he had to go, then rearranging our family's schedule to shuttle a kid with a poor attitude. There were two evenings where he 'took a knee' the whole practice because he told the coaches he didn't want to participate. This Fall has held some HARD lessons for R...AND for me.

When his Daddy and I decided he was going to honor his word and finish the season, R stopped complaining. He went to practice willingly and started working harder. He started getting more playing time. Even when he was on the bench, he still really enjoyed watching the game.
And slowly but surely, our decision to stick with it and not give up appeared to pay off. As a result of tough decisions my R was learning and growing. So were we.

I am not sure R will ever remember this 'life lesson,' but I will. In a world of instant gratification where decisions are increasingly based on what 'works for me' with little regard for the effects on other people, it felt a bit strange to draw a line in the sand about something as seemingly insignificant as Junior PeeWee football. But, you have to start somewhere. I am glad we did.

I am thankful to be married to a man of strong character that knows in life there are few 'little things.' Being intentional and consistent requires attention to all the decisions we make--especially the ones young eyes are watching.

I Was Wrong

2011-11-12T20:30:00.005-05:00

One upon a time, not so long ago, I had preconceived notions about children participating in martial arts.

For months my boys asked if they could take a class and it never worked out with our extracurricular schedule. R moved on to other interests, but P kept mentioning it. Because he is more of an introvert, I really preferred that he find a team sport to participate in--"to stretch him." We tried lots of things, but he didn't get particularly excited about any of them.

In mid-August I noticed that our local YMCA had Kung Fu classes, so I signed P up for a two week session. I really think I thought it would "get it out of his system." Instead, my P found his "thing." He absolutely loves it.
His confidence, his concentration, his agility and his self control have ALL improved.And today, my kid that had previously been unmotivated by other athletic pursuits...my child who tends to lose focus, get frustrated and fall apart...my son who takes the passive role within his sibling set...Today, my P, with great confidence, poise and skill tested for and received his yellow belt.Both sets of grandparents were on hand as we cheered him on. K & R were sweetly proud of his accomplishment. Tonight he was still beaming as he came downstairs in his pjs with the yellow belt tied over them.
My preconceived notions, hesitations and fears were wrong.

It won't be the last time.

Disastrous Isolation

2011-11-11T06:55:00.006-05:00

This morning a read a well-written piece on the tragedy of the Penn State scandal by an old high school friend of mine. I have only been following the news about this loosely, but have been struck by the ripples of destruction that long-term ignored sin has caused. Rioting? Really?

This particular quote was like being punched in the stomach with truth...

"Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation. Sin wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person. In confession the light of the Gospel breaks into the darkness and seclusion of the heart." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

This week I spent time with someone whose walls are crumbling around them--largely as a result of long term, secret sin. The effects are complicated, multi-layered and devastating because the situation went unchecked for so long. I have no doubt that God can rescue even from this, but it is going to be slow and painful.

As I have been sorting through this mess with my friend and again as I read this poignant quote from Bonhoffer, I am reminded of why we MUST live in community. We MUST be real with each other. We MUST care enough about each other to hold one another accountable--not in judgment, but in love.

Let's pursue each other the way God pursues us-- in truth and in love.

Gloriously Different

2011-11-10T09:50:00.006-05:00

When I found out I was having triplets, one thing that I specifically prayed was that they would be free to be completely individual. I didn't want them to be lumped together forever, unable to make their own name/way in the world.

I purposefully refrained from ever referring to them as 'the triplets,' although I do sometimes refer to them as my trio. (Is it really any different than parents of singletons calling their children by a group name?) I wanted them to be called and known by name.

I was criticized by some for dressing them alike, if individuality was indeed my goal. Since they started selecting their own clothes, pursuing their own hobbies and interests and being in their own classrooms I have almost ceased to worry about them being known as themselves. I have three very different little people growing up in this home.

I am currently working on a plan to get the boys into their own individual rooms, but this morning I reveled in how their uniqueness is apparent even in the places where surface sameness exists. Look at those beds. :-)
Praise God for the way we are each fearfully and wonderfully made. Same womb, same life experiences, SUCH different personalities and functions in the 'body.' I love my neatnik and I love my rumpled one. I rejoice that they each add different spice to my life!

How wonderful to know that God feels the same way about us...my order, your creativity. My impulsiveness and my husband's circumspect nature. The fact finders and the passionate ones. The homeschool Mom and the working Mom. Introvert, extrovert, single, married, divorced. The ones that appear to have it all together and the ones who are hanging on by a thread.

God not only loves us all--He delights in us!

When I walked in and looked at those beds I wasn't frustrated. I was delighted...because each one obediently did what I asked. Is one 'better looking' than the other, yes! But their hearts were both in the right place. And that is what this Mama values.

Our mothering may look different...our paths through this life most certainly are. All God asks is that we focus on Him and do what we can, with what we have, where we are...to His Honor and Glory.

A Little Morning Banter

2011-11-09T20:41:00.005-05:00

If ever there was a 30 second conversation that sums up my little people at 7 1/2 it happened this morning as we were getting into the car for school.

P stopped and turned to me, "Mom, can you give me a good metaphor for loading the car?"
I giggled at my precocious little man.
"How do you know about metaphors?"
"You explained it to me once, remember?"
We thought of a couple of metaphors as everyone buckled up.
R, our leader of the day, had the honors of selecting what we would listen to on the radio. Usually it is a song from my ipod, but this morning he had a different idea.
"Mom, I would like to either hear Fox News or Jazz."
Before I could even respond, K piped up, "R, you are an old man!"

I love my little people!

Amazing Grace

2011-11-08T20:03:00.007-05:00

I am tired. I am tired from all of the hurt I see in the faces of people I care about lately. I am walking through an exhausting season that is fraught with pain for several people I know. Much of it is a result of sin.

^1-2Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

^2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way. James 4:1-3 The Message

Daily I find myself torn between grace and truth...mercy and justice. And I keep going back to that darn dog in the road last Tuesday. I didn't evaluate how he got there, what negligence or poor choices led to his getting into the road, whose fault it was...I was simply moved to compassion because a creature was in pain (honestly, the helplessness and hurt on the face of his owner was what moved me most). I believe in natural consequences, but when someone/something is hurting and you have the power to help compassion takes the reigns.

Isn't this the way Jesus operated? With the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, even the hosts that ran out of wine at the wedding in Cana. He didn't lead with "how did this happen?" or "what have you learned?" He showed them compassion in the moment and He met their needs. I am sure there was time later for evaluation of the circumstances, repentance and learning a lesson... Even as I type, the justice seeker in me cries (like the prodigal's older brother) "Is that really fair? How will they learn if responsible people (like me) keep bailing them out?" And suddenly I am blinded by my own foolish pride.

I am sinful. God's grace is HIS to freely give. By virtue of accepting His gift do I now somehow feel that it is my role to decide who else is worthy of it? How incredibly prideful! I am not the judge and jury.

^4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble."James 4:4-6 The Message

Truth be told we are all addicts--addicted to our own comfort. We are all adulterers--choosing the things of the world over God on a whim--time and time again. We are idolaters--who place our own dreams, ideals, plans ahead of those of our Creator. And He pursues us anyway. It's incredible.

"God is not proud...He will have us, even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him." C S Lewis

^7-10So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet. James 4: 7-10 The Message

So, tonight, instead of judging the worthiness of others to receive His grace, I am challenged to ponder my own unworthiness--and rejoice in my thankfulness that He loves me--in spite of myself.

^11-12Don't bad-mouth each other, friends. It's God's Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You're supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others? James 4:11-12 The Message

Lessons From a Wedding

2011-11-05T21:56:00.006-04:00

There are a lot of wonderful things about being involved with the ministry of Young Life. It is such a blessing to see God at work in the lives of the 'target audience' of high school students--but one of the richest rewards for our family has been the special relationships we have developed with the college students who serve as leaders. It is amazing to watch a young person mature from an 18-19 year old college freshman to a young adult/college graduate.

Our family has a particularly special bond with the group of leaders who graduated from college this past Spring. This group was selected and trained by Sweeney. They kept the ministry going during Sweeney's frequent absences as he battled cancer. We walked through mourning his death together and rebuilding the ministry. We traveled to the Dominican Republic together last Spring. We have watched as they mulled graduate school versus entering this difficult job market. We have done real life.

Yesterday afternoon we witnessed the wedding of one of our special long time leaders, Taylor. She & I share a passion for social work and have served side by side at the group home. She has been a frequent babysitter to my children and a special friend to me. I have loved walking through her courtship with Harris through our coffee dates, prayers and excitement as it became clear he was 'the one.' It was a treat for my family to be asked to serve as greeters at their wedding.

It was so touching to watch the wedding through the eyes of my children, who recalled many of the elements of the only other wedding they have attended. P was all about our role as greeters. He loved the responsibility of handing out the programs to arriving guests. R was obsessed with what the groom might do to the bride during the 'cake fight.' And, K? She was 100% all about the bride. She has never been overly interested in princesses, so it was surprisingly touching to see how transfixed she was by the bride. She was quite simply captivated!

As I watched K watch the bride and take it all in--I was so thrilled that her exposure to courtship and marriage was so Christ-centered. I listened with new ears to the words spoken during the ceremony. During the pastor's homily he made a great point. He wished the new couple lots of laughter, but he also wished them their share of tears--because, he acknowledged, it is the tears that will be the reminders of their need for Christ. The tears, when shared together and before the cross, will be the circumstances that draw them close and sanctify them.

As I am watching marriages close to me crumble, I am reminded of this truth. I wish we as a society did a better job of presenting the total package of marriage (not just the extremes of Disney fairytale or sarcastic sitcom fodder).

In a Christian marriage there is the security of the covenant vows we make to one another, there is the joy of sharing life with your best friend, there is the peace of knowing someone is always there as your #1 fan...but LIFE still happens, the rains still come and fairy tales are never without their crisis moments. I wish young couples knew that when these choppy waters are navigated together with Christ at the helm they can be amazingly strengthening--and the source of great lessons about the person of Christ.

The beauty of marriage is not in the avoidance of conflict, but in the overcoming--and we can't do that alone. The Lord is our champion. We must allow Him to be at the center of our marriage--and have our unions be characterized by fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4: 9,12 NIV

Real Life is Beautiful

2011-11-05T21:17:00.012-04:00

Our family was blessed to be part of a very special wedding this afternoon. Since the children were all gussied up, I thought I would try to snag a special photo for Christmas cards. That didn't exactly happen.
Not by a long shot...
But thank goodness, when I got frustrated that my plan was crumbling, my husband kept shooting...because these pictures
with real life
real joy
and their real bond captured...
These pictures make me smile.
I am thankful I snapped out of 'my plan' in time to enjoy these moments...because the light, the laughter...it was beautiful.
Oh, what joy if we would learn to stop stressing out about 'posing' our lives and joyfully let the real stuff unfold. I am realistic enough to know that it is not possible all the time. But for things that don't really matter...like a Christmas card, ahem...it is a lesson I would do well to remember.
Because I am pretty sure 15-20 years from now, having a Mommy that loved, laughed, and smiled more than she snapped will certainly be more meaningful to these little hearts than a perfect Christmas card.

Grace and Contentment

2011-11-03T08:31:00.007-04:00

This week, my ladies' small group started reading The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. I am only on page 32, but I have already marked this book UP with asterisks, underlines, exclamation points and circled passages. I am fairly certain this will not be the last time I record a passage from the book here on the blog. :-)

Two passages, specifically, hit me right between the eyes this week. First, on contentment versus desires (a la my post Sunday based on Rebekah Lyons' piece on 'fading women.')

"Contentment is the equilibrium between the enjoyment of life now and the anticipation of what is to come. Contentment serves as a guard against desires gone wild. It is the key to unlock you from the bondage of unrestrained longing that wells up within your heart and inevitably begins to control your life, making you a slave to what you don't have instead of a fully engaged participant with what you do.

By choosing contentment, you're not getting rid of your desires; you're just demanding they assume an appropriate, humble position in your life, not bossing you around like a tyrannical dictator forcing you to submit to his ever-growing and ever-changing list of demands."
-Priscilla Shirer, The Resolution for Women (pages 28-29)

It is the explanation my heart was struggling to articulate of how we can engage fully with God in the life He has for us...so we like the psalmist can proclaim with sincerity from our heart that "our boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places."

We stop patrolling our fence line looking over with a covetous longing and enjoy the space within which we have been blessed. Our Father is loving and kind. To quote Priscilla again:

"If you don't have it--whatever it is--it is because you don't need it. You may want it, but it's not necessary for you to accomplish what He knows is most important for your life today. Otherwise, He'd given in to you.

Whatever He's given or not given, He's done for a specific reason--a reason known only to Him perhaps, but one you can trust with full confidence sight unseen. Every decision you need to make, every task you need to accomplish, every relationship you need to navigate, every element of daily life you need to traverse, God has already matched up with an equivalent-to-overflowing supply of His grace. If you don't agree with that you either lack a proper appreciation for what you have or you are doing things you are not supposed to be participating in right now."

Wow! That really spoke to me. God has promised sufficient grace for today. If His grace feels insufficient, I am either 1-living outside TODAY (in worry, fear, speculation), 2-not tuned into/abiding in Him or 3-outside of His Will.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV

I need to rest in this today.

On the Way

2011-11-01T20:59:00.006-04:00

Tuesday afternoons are insane in our family this Fall. Immediately after dismissal from school P has Occupational Therapy and R has Speech. We have a 45 minute window to snack, complete homework and change before the race to get K to soccer, R to football and P to Kung Fu. There is quite literally not a moment to spare.

This afternoon as I was zipping from place to place, trying to make every second count, we literally had a neighbor in need right smack in our path. A few blocks from my home there is an apartment building occupied by low income individuals. Directly in front of their entrance there was a injured dog in the road--it was clear he had just been hit. Gathered around him were four distraught women, including the one who had accidentally hit him.

I pulled the car over, rolled down the window and asked if they needed help. They explained that they had no car and no way to move the injured dog. They had called Animal Control, but didn't have a plan beyond getting him moved from the road. The dog was conscious and alert despite his bleeding leg and tail. His owner, who seemed quite simple, was literally frozen. She did not ask for help. Honestly, I don't think she could think beyond that moment to what she might need.

I had every excuse in the world to wish them luck and keep driving. We were late. They were strangers. I didn't want a bloody dog in my new car. An injured animal can be unpredictable and dangerous. I had a car full of kids. What if the dog didn't make it? Was I really ready to take this on...

The words I had used to encourage my ladies' small group this morning echoed in my ears...Don't be so busy and distracted that you miss the opportunities to minister along the way in your daily life. It doesn't have to be Earth-shattering. Look for the small ways to minister where you are with what you have.

"I live around the corner and I have a kennel to transport him in," I offered.
The kids and I darted home, loaded up the kennel and returned. (My wanna be vet, K, was quite concerned and completely into it...the boys, not so much.) Along the way we called our vet who got ready for us. When we returned to the scene, the ladies had found a blanket to lift the dog with and before we knew it the canine was safely kenneled and my suburban animal ambulance was in motion.

The dog's owner, Lynette, and the apartment manager joined us for the excursion to the veterinarian. Along the way, Lynette told us about 'her baby,' BoBo, who is apparently the apartment mascot. It was clear he was well loved. We were all hopeful it was just a badly broken leg.

Once they were settled at the animal hospital and had contacted a friend for transportation, the children and I left to return to our afternoon activities. The apartment manager thanked me for the ride and explained that this was just the latest in a long line of recent troubles for Lynette.

On the way home I talked to my trio about loving our neighbors, the good Samaritan and the golden rule.

We also talked about the sacrifice. The time spent on the rescue mission should have been used for homework. It was too late tonight after sports, so we'll have to get up a little earlier tomorrow to finish it up before school. It was a small price to pay for a real life lesson in serving the needy.

Sadly, an hour later we got a call that BoBo had not made it. His injuries had simply been too extensive. As I told K tonight at bedtime her little lip quivered. Then she said. "Well, it is a good thing his owner got to pet his head and be with him so he wouldn't be scared. I bet she is really sad."

I reminded her (but, frankly, moreso myself) that we did all we could. We had the means to help someone who needed it--so we responded. Only God knew what the outcome was going to be. Our role may have never even been about saving the dog, as much as it was about showing unexpected kindness to someone who needed it. Maybe Lynnette just needed to know she was not alone in the world.

My friend Mike Sweeney used to teach a lesson about leaving space in our lives for the opportunities we have to minister while we are on our way somewhere else. He cites the story of the hemorrhaging woman (Luke 8:41-48). As the story begins, Jesus was en route to heal Jairus' daughter but "as he was on the way" he encountered this needy woman. He could have easily shrugged her off. He was on an important mission to save a child, after all. But instead, he paused to hear her need and offer hope and healing.

And I am left with an indelible lesson that I will think about every time I pass this spot down the street. How many other needs do I encounter 'along the way' every day that God might be nudging me to engage? The woman in the grocery store, the Mom in car line, the familiar face that is clearly upset and/or worried, the person I have heard the sad gossip about...All too often I look away and cross the street. Oh, the opportunities I am missing! In this broken world, there are many. Some will be messy. Most will be inconvenient.

If I am really going to be intentional about being salt and light, I need to leave space to rearrange my schedule and be available to notice the needs right in my path.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.
Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out.
Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it.
Romans 12:1-2a The Message

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T21:02:00.002-04:00

Happy Halloween from my trio of (Not-so) Angry Birds!

This is the only smiling group shot I captured. The rest look more like this. Seven year olds are serious about their trick or treating!

Worth Fighting For

2011-10-30T20:37:00.007-04:00

I have been sitting in front of my computer for 45 minutes trying to decide how to tackle this topic with truth seasoned with grace...especially since I am still sorting out my thoughts. I am just going to dive in and pray God covers it.

Yesterday I came across this article by Rebekah Lyons called Why are All the Women Fading? In her post, Rebekah tackles the discontent in many women as wives and mothers and the skyrocketing use of antidepressants among women. She offers some thoughts on what might be at work--and frankly, some of it made me uncomfortable. I am exceedingly grateful that I can be a stay-at-home Mom...but I, too, am struggling to find my place now that 30 hours a week are freed up with children at school. I write, volunteer, mentor, teach, and spend a lot of time face-to-face with people as they walk through life. And I wonder is this enough? Is this what you want from me God? To be fragmented like a dandelion with bits of me (hopefully seeds of Him) blowing in so many different directions?

I have re-read Rebekah's article 4-5 times and churned it over in my brain. The comments were especially interesting. An unmarried young woman wrote about how disillusioned she is about being a wife and mother because she can't find any role models who are joyful in their life position. (This broke my heart.) Men shared how their wives' discontent weigh heavily on them. The author herself responded with perhaps the meatiest nugget:

"My intent is never that the world should revolve around our desires, it's actually that we as women should be going deeper into the reasons WHY we don't have a heart of gratitude, and asking hard questions that explore the root of that. Usually we will uncover a wound that has not fully surfaced. And that discovery can ultimately lead to a marvelous path of redemption, healing, and restoration."

The part about going deeper really resonated. I have spent today with a heart burdened by tough situations people I know are facing...divorce, infidelity, addiction. These issues are complex and cannot be overly generalized...but there seems to be a chord that runs through all of them: unresolved hurts leading to sin, making a big hurtful mess, then giving up and giving in.

This world is full of beauty--sunsets, starry nights, Fall leaves, the laughter of a baby, love and so on-- but it is also permeated by sin and the hurt that ripples from it. We have to make a choice. Are we going to be in this life with vigor and commitment and an intentionality that gives us purpose? Or are we going to simply ride the waves of circumstances wherever they take us? I want to be a fighter, a crusader and an overcomer--not a victim.

Of course this will not be by my own strength or for my own glory...it will be because we are urged in Scripture to guard our hearts, love with everything we've got and to fight for what matters:

“Remember the LORD, who is great and awesome, and FIGHT FOR your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (Nehemiah 4:14b)

Nobody ever said it would be easy, but I have to believe it is worth it.

The Inside Chatter

2011-10-28T21:05:00.004-04:00

If you, like me, ever find yourself succumbing to the 'inside chatter' taunting you with your insecurities, I urge you to click over and read this from one of my new favorites, Lysa TerKeurst.

Doing Hard Things

2011-10-26T20:59:00.006-04:00

A few weeks ago my small group was discussing "delighting in our weaknesses." We all agreed that while we could accept that our weaknesses were reminders of our need for Christ, to take it so far as to say we delight in them is more of a stretch.

I like new experiences, but I admit that I prefer sticking to things I know how to do fairly well. Two of my children are the same way. The older they get, the more obvious this has become. Because they are bright, they are easily frustrated by learning new skills that require a bit more work. Learning to tell time on a clock led my R to tears during homework time, "I am just not smart anymore, Mommy." (I can remember feeling this way about diagramming sentences in 9th grade.)

I want my children to be brave--and to be willing to swallow their pride and try hard things. So, today I put my money where my mouth is, admittedly in a small way. I took on a craft project. :)

Although I am left handed/right brained, I really am NOT artistic or crafty. Thanks to a new pinterest addiction, I have really wanted a sign for my boys bathroom to replace the 'babyish' one currently on their wall. Unable to find the source of the one I admired, I searched etsy for something similar. The closest I could come was finding a vendor that would customize a sign for me--for $50-$75. So, I got brave, swallowed my pride and headed to Home Depot & Michael's for supplies. (This was way outside my comfort zone.)

An hour and a half and $12 later, I had my sign. It is far from perfect, (I even inadvertently altered one of the words in the quote..oops!) but it was a labor of love...and every smudge and wonky letter was a reminder to me of how insecure it can feel to step out and try new things. (There may or may not also be a spray painted cat and evidence of another mishap with some rust colored paint to remind me as well.)

It was an interesting realization to think that my children are doing this all day every day as they learn new sports, new skills, new subjects, new rules of life! I should have a little more understanding and a different type of encouragement.

As I was reflecting on all this, I remembered this insightful article I had read a couple of years ago--it seems especially relevant as we help our children navigate the waters of self esteem, perseverance and work ethic in school.

And while I am certainly not planning to get into the sign making business, I might just have to make one more tomorrow that says:

Source: bystephanielynn.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Beautiful Outlaw

2011-10-25T08:40:00.000-04:00

Beautiful Outlaw OFFICIAL TRAILER from Ransomed Heart on Vimeo.

Anybody read this? What did you think?

Come Thy Fount

2011-10-24T22:44:00.006-04:00

I keep learning a difficult lesson over and over again. Actually, I am apparently not learning it well because it keeps coming up. I continue to be tested. I have a thorn in my flesh reminding me, 'the good girl,' of how very yucky I can be inside. I need a Savior.

Tonight I am going over and over things in my head, searching for a lasting lesson--begging God to help me sidestep this snare the next time, to give me freedom from making the same mistakes--to "bind my wandering heart" to Him. As I was praying, I was led to go through these lyrics like a prayer. It was very cathartic.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Lord, I need You--the Author of all that is good and holy--to tune my heart to a place where it is even capable of singing of Your grace. The chasm between Your holy identity and mine is so great!

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.

Your mercy is unending, so difficult for me to comprehend, I know not how on Earth I can respond. The only thing I can imagine would be for You to create in me a new song. I cannot even imagine how the angels must sing for You in heaven!

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;

Samuel raised a rock to celebrate You, naming it Ebenezer which means "the Lord has been good to us thus far." Lord, you have been so very good to us. Not because we deserved it...but because you chose to be. May we not forget your goodness.

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Sometimes this world feels so very unsafe, fraught with snares and traps. Guard my heart for the journey, Lord.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;

This is my favorite refrain from this old hymn, Lord...because it is far too often true in my life. Left unto my on devices I am like a simple minded sheep that will wander into dangerous territories.

Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

I feel like I have to surrender for You to re-seal it over and over again. I know my status as a child of yours is secure. I know my citizenship in heaven is guaranteed. I just want my heart to cooperate as it goes through this journey, Lord.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

It has always been His idea...His work...both the making and the saving. And God put His Son on the line--and incomprehensible gesture--to show the seriousness of His pursuit. There was great price for the sin of this world...and it was paid.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

I know this is a non-traditional post...and the second one today...but I just needed this tonight.

Quirks

2011-10-24T08:08:00.012-04:00

Because my children were on Fall Break Thursday and Friday and my husband was off all weekend, we had lots of quality time. During the school year it feels like my time with them is always rushed...getting ready for school, homework, snack, changing clothes for activities, in the car from here to there, cooking, feeding, bedtime...I am smiling even as I type at the memories of just doing life this weekend. It was so much fun to have 4 straight days of all-day-long time with my people.

I have always enjoyed sociology--studying people and what makes them tick. The longer I live and the more people I get to know, the more I am learning to appreciate quirks. They are truly the things that make a person different from the rest of this whole big world. This long weekend was a great opportunity to observe my children and revel in their uniqueness. For posterity, here are a few of my children's (admittedly some of them can drive me crazy at times) quirks at 7 1/2:

K's latest phase (for the last several months) is pretending she is a puppy. She loves to play house--but whereas I always insisted on being the Mom as a child, she only wants one role: silly puppy. I have had to establish some boundaries around this puppy persona--especially when i am trying to have a serious conversation with her...:-)She is so good at the sound effects, my neighbor came over yesterday to meet our new pet.

K is the resident queen of craftiness and repurposing. She frequently dashes into the kitchen with a 'treasure' asking me to please google "crafts you can do with a..." K is also quite the responsible, nurturing one to her brothers(and sometimes to me, too). I noticed when uploading these pictures that sometimes her head is touching one brother...and sometimes the other. Sweetness!A couple of mornings ago I heard a loud crash downstairs. As I jumped up to investigate, she put her hand on me and said, "Don't worry, Mama, I'll take care of it" and headed towards the stairs. She frequently tells me that she is not trying to be bossy, she is just practicing so she can be a good Mom one day. :)

R is coming into his own. He loves buddies and playing anything with a ball. R adores being the first, best, greatest at anything and everything. This can lead to some conflict! In recent weeks, our focus has been on being a gentleman/a young man of God. Nothing in the world puffs him up like my compliment that he "reminds me of (his) Daddy."

He is rough and tough on the outside, but quite tender on the inside. For all his bravado and machismo, he is still afraid of the dark, being alone and eye contact with grown ups he doesn't know well.

I appreciate his tenderness towards me so much. I recently asked him if he would take care of me when I was a great grandmother, like his Granddaddy did for Nana. His reply, "I don't know, Mama. I'll be pretty old when I am a Granddaddy and that wheelchair looked heavy to push."

P is the quirkiest of all. He dances (constantly) to the beat of his own kung fu fighting drummer. He is a delight with his wry sense of humor. His vocabulary is excellent and his word choice very grown up...so he keeps me in stitches with the things that come out of his mouth. Each day he seems to have a focus--something he has to accomplish or work out (and it can be frustratingly at the expense of other priorities). Friday it was finding and acquiring a 'real grappling hook gun,' yesterday it was learning the basics of algebra. He keeps me on my toes!

There's not room enough in this post for all my eccentricities...drinking with two straws, love for Diet Coke in bottles or cans only (no fountain), aversion to mouth noises, etc...or a list of my husband's idiosyncrasies, for that matter. Don't even get me started on the lengths I sometimes go to for real smiles...tickling feet here...

which sometimes ends badly.

We are a loud, wiggly, lively, precocious and quirky bunch. But we sure do love each other--and we are having a great time on this journey together!

Thoughts on Sin

2011-10-22T20:46:00.005-04:00

A friend of ours is going through a very difficult time as they deal with the consequences of some sin in their life. As my husband & I were discussing how to support and encourage them I have been reminded of a few truths that I thought it might help someone else to share.

1. My friend, Chad, tells his sons all the time to beware of the Enemy's snares. One of his most dangerous tricks is to switch roles from Enticer ("Come on. No one will know. This one time won't hurt. You deserve it. It's not that big of a deal.") to Accuser the moment things go bad ("You are disgusting. Look what you did. You hypocrite. How could God love you now?")

Here's a link to an excellent summary article about this concept by Chuck Lawless.

2. Grace is available to those who ask...but we must come humbly with real repentance in our hearts.

I am a big fan of Mumford & Sons music, largely because their lyrics are so thought-provoking. In one particular song, Roll Away Your Stone, they sing:

It seems as if all my bridges have been burned,
You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive at the restart.

I love the thought. It is so grace-filled! But as I have thought about it, I think it may be slightly flawed. In the story of the Prodigal Son it was not the party alone that changed his heart. I think the party moved him so because he was so shocked by it. The prodigal son knew how unworthy he was. He was walking home to beg his father to let him work as a servant. There was no pride, no excuses, no blame only sorrow, humility and repentance. With that as the state of his heart, the welcoming feast he received was impossible to believe. This unmerited favor and forgiveness is what changed the heart of the prodigal.

Honestly, this is where I struggle. I am at my most judgmental when trying to determine the state of another's heart. Are they really sorry? Did they learn their lesson? Have their consequences been severe enough? Are they changed?

My close friends refer to this ugly part of my sin nature as "the Equalizer." As a person who so readily claims to love grace, I have to surrender my love of justice first. Frankly, it is especially difficult as one who loves wisdom and detests foolishness and deception. I have such a hard time fully embracing all the aspects of God's character simultaneously. This sinful tendency is a thorn in my flesh reminding me constantly of my need for Him.

Lord, life on this Earth is hard. Thank you for not forsaking us or leaving us to do it alone. Help me to remember how easy it is for me to stumble when I try to make my own way. Help me see with your eyes---and love with your mercy. Amen.

A Day in the Life

2011-10-20T07:58:00.008-04:00

Today was my 13,505th day of life (that's 37 years for you mathematically challenged :-) It began at 6:01 am with a little raspy voiced R saying in a silly sing songy voice "Happy birthday to my favorite 47 year old Mommy!' (I only had to correct him once that it was 37 not 47!) This was followed by sweet snuggles with all three before picking my phone up from the charger to find fun facebook birthday messages!

By 6:40 am, I was playing the Wii with my delighted children (who were celebrating their first day of Fall break!) When I made it to the kitchen to start breakfast I was greeted by gifts the kids had picked out and a call from my husband that he was on his way back home from early morning rounds with pancakes and eggs from Krystal "so I didn't have to get my clean kitchen dirty." That's a good man that understands the beauty of a clean kitchen!

Right after breakfast, I was given the precious gift of a squirmy, live earthworm from my delicate flower of a daughter. This was followed by her (much more appreciated) offer to help with laundry. My sweet curly girl spent an hour helping me get things folded and put away without complaint. As we finished she had two questions: "How much money did I earn?" and
"Why are you doing all this laundry on your BIRTHDAY?"

Point well taken, we packed up the car and headed for Starbucks to redeem my free birthday latte (as well as some delicious iced lemon pound cake). Yum! This was followed by an hour reading in Barnes & Noble before running a few boring, but necessary, errands.

We returned home to more sweet birthday messages from friends near and far, a package on the doorstep (Thanks, Emily!) and a delivery of chocolate covered fruit from Edible Arrangements. (Thanks, Aunt Boo!)

Around 12:30 Daddy came home with my favorite Thai food. (Is it any wonder I have reflux? Coffee, chocolate, thai food, oh my!) After lunch we had a neighbor come over for a couple of hours to play, which allowed me to catch my breath for a bit.

After a quick visit from another dear friend, the late afternoon/evening marathon began: dinner, football game and kung fu.

All was not perfect...one of my people had a sidelining tummy ache earlier in the day, followed by an unfortunate potty accident tonight while we were out and about as a result of my Milk of Magnesia anecdote. Cleaning up big kid potty accidents is no fun. My husband was on call and, therefore, mostly absent and at the mercy of his pager. Our little football team got decimated by our opponent. My house has been turned upside down by rowdy children. I am painfully behind on my to do list. After a couple more loads of laundry, you cannot even tell K & I made any progress this morning. And tonight as I tried to brew my nightly indulgence, a warm cup of tea, my coffee pot went on the blink. In other words, life happened here today.

But, honestly, it was a BEAUTIFUL birthday. I was with my people. I was reminded via text, phone, email and facebook of the many precious relationships I am fortunate to enjoy. My husband has a secure job. I have a home and children who are active and healthy enough to trash it in short order. I have the peace of knowing that I have a loving Father who has a plan.

The encouragement and affirmation I received today was a precious blessing. It challenged me to be better about reaching out and speaking words of life into the people I encounter. People love to know they were thought about. Each comment or text took less that 10 seconds to type and send--yet it refreshed my soul.

I feel blessed beyond measure--primarily because of things that cannot be quantified--joy, love, peace, friendship. If the first 20 hours are any indication, I am going to love 37!

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:6 NIV

Treasure

2011-10-18T14:33:00.009-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I think it is because in my late 30s, I am seeing marriages of people I care about dissolve. It is a depressing season. Up until this point, chapters of life have been largely based on growth and celebration...Late teens and early 20s were about college and career. My 20s saw lots of engagements and marriages. This season overlapped into the baby days and early parenthood. And now, it seems people are starting to split.

In light of all this, I have been pondering how to keep marriage sacred--and the word treasure keeps coming to mind. I want my husband to feel precious, desired, appreciated. I want him to WANT to come home because it is the safest, most secure and welcoming place he can think of being.

I am not June Cleaver. He rarely comes home to the aroma of cookies baking and my 6pm lipstick is almost never fresh. Every now and then he has to fend for himself and have cereal for dinner. But, I am striving to make him feel what my heart knows it its deepest places--My husband is a treasure.

As this word was ringing in my ears I thought of my children's 'special drawers.' Each of them has been allocated a place all their own to keep non-living things that they adore. A peek inside these drawers reveal cheap plastic trinkets, stale candy, broken little things and bits of paper. Most of it is completely meaningless to the world (and to their Mom), but to my 1st graders, those possessions are precious.

Treasure: (according to the American Heritage Dictionary)
Accumulated or stored wealth in the form of money, jewels, or other valuables.
Valuable or precious possessions of any kind.
One considered especially precious or valuable.tr.v., -ured, -ur·ing, -ures.
To keep or regard as precious; value highly. See synonyms at appreciate.

Ahh, did you see that synonym...appreciate. Anything we appreciate is a treasure. It gets its value from the esteem or importance with which we treat it. This principle is true in life--and quite applicable in marriage. If we want to be rich all we must do is value what we have.

And even though it is not the reason I do it...the results are fantastic. When I cherish and treasure my spouse, I become a cherished treasure in return.

Finding Their Dolphin

2011-10-16T20:38:00.002-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I took my children to see A Dolphin Tale--which I highly recommend. The story is full of beautiful and heartwarming moments. One of the central points, however, is how the lead character, Sawyer, blossoms as a result of discovering a passion.

It got me thinking about the difference having a purpose makes in a person's life. Being needed, discovering a gift, finding something to live for--I think as adults we can all agree these things are essential to our emotional health and well being. But the thought of what impact this has on children...well, frankly, I think we miss that sometimes.

My R has been going through some growing pains this year. First grade seems to be a year when boy pecking order is being established. He likes to feel knowledgeable, important and like a leader. He is in a class without either of his siblings--so his role in the trio has not quite translated into where he is in a class full of boys. P & K have each established pretty distinct personalities. R seems to still be trying to figure his out--and it is an often frustrating process.

I am realistic enough to know that very few 7 year olds know who they are or what God's call on their life will be...that can take additional decades. Yet, I believe strongly that I have a responsibility to help them seek, discover and pay attention to the clues along the way. Being their cheerleader means looking for the lessons as they are unveiled--one season, one grade level, one new experience, one success or one failure at a time. The key thing is to keep reminding them that they were created by a Sovereign Maker, on purpose and with a purpose.

Being a mother means providing our children a soft place to land when they fall and the shelter of unconditional love in the midst of life's inevitable storms-- but that's not all. We must give our children courage to try, eyes to see and pray for their hearts to know and follow hard after Him.

Oh, Daddy!

2011-10-15T21:03:00.004-04:00

Many of the common stereotypes about surgeons are (thankfully) not necessarily true of my husband. But, when it comes to planning, detail- orientation and intensity--well, I will let this picture speak for itself...Something as innocent as pumpkin carving is SERIOUS business around here. No holds (or power tools) are barred.

Thankfully he is equally committed to being a fun Daddy...
Did someone page Dr. Pumpkinhead?

The Sign

2011-10-13T13:15:00.000-04:00

I had to crop out the rest of the sign, but it said:
"List of my family who is alloded in
Me
P
Mom
Dad
ONLY"

Not to worry, K didn't seem effected by it at all. She made her own "Girls Only" sign for the door to her room and was playing peacefully in the boys' room--with them--only a few minutes later.

I really love 7 year olds.

On Friendship

2011-10-12T14:31:00.004-04:00

Sunday morning I visited Church of the Highlands in Birmingham with one of my oldest and dearest friends. It was a sweet moment when the guest speaker, John Maxwell, mentioned that he was going to be teaching on friendship.

His definition of true and lasting friendship boiled down to this: It happens when we "raise the level of commitment from convenience to covenant." I loved that comparison. Are we intentional about our friendships, carefully selecting who will have the power of speaking advice into our lives? Don't we all want friends who will stick with us when we deserve it least?

Maxwell went on describe deep and meaningful friendships as being solid & secure because of their foundation--the unconditional love modeled by Christ.

God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b NIV

In the past year my daughter has taken a new interest in the idea of friendship. I am entertained by the sweetness of 7 year old girls who squeal when they see each other, hug, stroke each other and skip through the yard holding hands and giggling.

Friendship looks different at 37...and yet so much the same. The squeals are sometimes replaced by knowing glances and/or sighs of relief to see one another walking through the door. Hugs are still there, but the stroking has become more emotional--encouraging one another through the challenging seasons. The best friendships still include their fair share of giggling.

I started thinking about what I want to teach my children friendship should be like--especially since I know adolescence is often fraught with the hurt of it being done incorrectly. In this day and age where people have hundreds of online connections called "friends," I appreciated three points, in particular, John made about Biblical friendship:

1- Few friends are true friends. Most friends are for seasons...some friends are for life. It takes the test of time and trials to prove which are which.

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. Proverbs 18:24 The Message

The greatest hurts in life come from the realization that someone you trusted has betrayed you or abandoned you. I can still think back to situations from years ago and immediately feel the sting. I don't think we can completely protect ourselves (or our children) from this...but I do think we can learn to be the type of friend we want.

2- Friends will speak truth to you. (And I will add, you can speak truth to them too.)

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, Proverbs 27:6a NIV

I wince as I recall times when I have failed to speak a truth I should have, but I cringe at the (more frequent) times I spoke 'opinion' in the name of truth that was hurtful or ill-timed. I read something Lysa TerKeurst wrote recently about asking ourselves if we are women of conviction or just women of opinion. Read that again. I'll wait.

The only way to know the difference is to hold our 'convictions' up to the light of the Truth of God's Word and His Character. We must "watch our words and hold our tongues" (Proverbs 21:23) but also be willing to "speak the truth in love."

Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:25,29,32 NLT

3- True friends refresh you...and sharpen you.

Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. Proverbs 27:9 The Message

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 NIV

Are your closest friendships adding to your well-being or only draining? Do you leave better than you came? Are you growing as a result of having that person in your life? Do your friends feel the same way about time with you?

Pausing to reflect on friendship--something so central to our emotional health and yet so easily taken for granted--challenged me to greater appreciation of the precious relationships I have in my life. It also led me to a bit of soul searching about where I can slow down and improve.

We cannot underestimate the human need for community and relationships. They are a huge part of our lives--why not be more intentional about them?

2011-10-10T13:15:00.006-04:00

I don't have any idea what really goes on behind the closed doors of people's homes. Most days it is all I can do to keep up with mine. I stumbled across a power-packed blog post from Gary Thomas this morning and was struck by the simple, profound truth. I hope someone will be blessed by my passing it along.

"Most couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance. Persistent character weaknesses—laziness, arrogance, pride, selfishness, bitterness, a sense of entitlement, and so on—kill far more marriages than active affairs, chemical dependency or abandonment. The answer isn’t pursuing “happiness;” it’s pursuing holiness. By God’s grace, we can grow in each of these areas." -Gary Thomas

And how about this:

"Our assumption is all too often that our spouse is insufficient; therefore, the only logical solution is to get a new spouse. If we assume that our skill set is insufficient, that there are things we need to learn about not becoming lazy in our relationship, practicing empathy, growing in humility, generosity and gratefulness, then we’ll see marital dissatisfaction as a call to grow deeper in holiness rather than a call to dissolve our family." -Gary Thomas

I know, as a blog reader, that when I am hopping around I don't often take the time to follow links to other pages, but I strongly recommend this article. It is not long and the truth will be worth your 4 minutes.

I am blessed with a wonderful, kind and patient husband, but he is not a perfect person--and neither am I. As I read Gary's list in the first quote--laziness, arrogance, pride, selfishness, bitterness, a sense of entitlement--I could identify my behaviors with them all. The beautiful thing is that God chooses to put a world full of broken people into pairs. Christian couples even stand before a crowd of witnesses and enter into a covenant to glorify Him in our weakness. And a decade into my own covenant I have learned that even when it is hard, I am better for the sharpening and strengthening that happens when I have to come face to face with my flaws.

"What if, indeed, we found marriage as a call to holiness more than happiness, and then discovered that in the pursuit of holiness we actually achieved a level of happiness we never thought possible?" -Gary Thomas

Homecoming 2011

2011-10-09T17:50:00.006-04:00

I am finally old enough to understand the significance of Homecoming. This weekend was a sweet time of memory making with my crew of old and my brood.Suzanne, Daree & I have been friends for 19 years. We met on the 11th floor of Tutwiler when I was a 17 year old freshman at the University of Alabama.Both of them married their high school sweethearts, so I have known their husbands almost since the day I met them. We've been through proposals, weddings, pregnancies, toddlers, health scares, funerals and countless other chapters of life.
We've seen each other through a lot of things since we shared a room on the second floor of the Phi Mu house almost two decades ago. They have made excellent traveling companions for the journey so far!

To be back together...with all our children..watching them play together in our old haunts...well, it was just the best! I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of what 'then us' would have thought at the prospect of 'now us'...19 years and 8 children later.

The only thing better than recalling old memories is making new ones. So, my children's first Alabama game was great, great fun!
This morning we went to church in Birmingham and heard a very thought provoking sermon on (of all things) covenant friendship. (I am planning to recap that later, as this post is already long and I have a lot of laundry to do!!)

All of it prompted a heart full of thanksgiving for the sweet friends God has blessed me with--and a renewed prayer that my children's lives will be filled with the same.

Game Day

2011-10-08T18:02:00.000-04:00

Greetings from Tuscaloosa, Alabama. We are sitting in the Phi Mu house with an hour to go before kickoff of my children's first football game. Having a wonderful homecoming with sweet old friends. More later...Roll Tide!

The Fair

2011-10-05T22:21:00.001-04:00

The colors,the smiles,the treatsand the traditionalmost make you forget the grime,
the smells,
the sugar overload and the ripoffs.
Almost.We had a great time. :-)

Asking the Right Question

2011-10-05T21:07:00.003-04:00

When I have the same message/lesson presented in my life repeatedly I try to pay attention. Such is the case with something God has been teaching me in the last few days.

Last week I read a great passage from Lysa TerKeurst regarding our propensity to ask why when things don't turn out as we had hoped/planned. She encouraged believers to ask a different more hopeful question instead: What?

What are you up to God?
What is this teaching me?
What do you require of me?

I loved this quote:
"In most situations, nothing positive can come from whatever answer there may be to a why question. If God gave us His reason why, we would judge Him. And His reasons, from our limited point of view would fall short. That's because our flat human perceptions simply can't process God's multidimensional, eternal reasons."
-Lysa TerKeurst, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl

Over coffee this morning with a friend this concept was taken a step further. As we were talking about how God could be glorified in a challenging situation she is facing, we resolved that it might not even be about her. She & her family may be bit players in a grander lesson God is teaching someone else in their life.

Then this afternoon I was in the car for a couple of hours and had the chance to get caught up on a few sermon podcasts. This particular one was about David & Goliath. The speaker, Gavin Adams, pointed out that after a 40 day standoff the shepherd David was the first one to ask a different question: Who?

"Who does he think he is, anyway, this uncircumcised Philistine, taunting the armies of God-Alive?" I Samuel 17:26b

Who am I allowing to intimidate me when I have God on my side?
David knew WHO God is and therefore, he was full of courage.
If God is for us, who can be against us?

Life can be confusing. The older I get the more I realize just how broken it is--and the less predictable and secure life feels. In times of trial we all have the tendency to ask a lot of questions. My prayer is that God will grant me the wisdom and discernment to know the right ones to ask.

In my next trial or disappointment I pray that instead of an immature response of WHY? I can ask different questions:
Who is this God I serve? (He is I AM. My Sovereign, Holy, Creator, Sustainer, Protector, Lover of My Soul and Savior.)
and
What does he want from me? (Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:33 Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly. Micah 6:8)

Deciding

2011-10-03T20:22:00.006-04:00

Among my trio is a child with a particularly strong will. In the last few months we have been dealing with how to address this strong will with love, grace and the type of parental guidance that will teach him to harness and channel his strength and passion as he grows.

He is a good kid--and there are frequent glimpses that encourage us somewhere in that sweet head and mighty heart truth is taking hold and lessons are being filed away. I am reminded constantly that we are given children in our homes for a whole 18-19 years because it takes at least that long to build a strong foundation. I have job security!

My strong willed one is verbal, confident and very honest. This combination makes some of the traditional parenting advice for this personality type tricky. For example, when it is clear he is preparing to dig his heels in over something I will offer him two choices. The textbooks tell you that allows them to still feel some measure of control. My guy has been known to simply sit obstinately and delay choosing either. "I jus' can't decide yet. I need a little longer." He has even been willing to sit and ponder for two hours. That is a STRONG will...

He is generally a well behaved child, but when this tough aspect of his personality presents itself it is in the form of a bad attitude and overly testosterone-y actions. This weekend there was a situation between him and two older boys on a playground. Apparently he started it--it took a couple of hours for the whole story to come out--and honestly, I was very disappointed in some choices he made in the way he treated the other boys. When confronted, he admitted that he had been the troublemaker and offered no particular reason why.

I recalled one of the first verses my children ever learned: "Even a child is known by his actions, whether his conduct is pure and right." I bent down in his little face.
(Here is the part where I cringe at the fact that some readers may disagree with what I said, but here it goes anyway. I never, ever have claimed to be perfect.)

"You are going to have to decide what type of guy you want to be and make choices accordingly. This type of behavior is going to lead people to believe you are a punk. Is that what you want? Do you want to be seen as a punk or a gentleman?"

He looked at me clearly, unashamedly and honestly before saying, "I haven't decided yet."

And this sums up my guy at 7 1/2. He is still deciding--wrestling with little boy identity (to the extent a 7 year old can be that self aware). I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

The truth is, I have to make this decision several times a day. Am I going to live, speak, think, act as a Godly woman or am I going to let my emotions rule my behavior and let the ugly that can linger beneath my surface rear its head. Some days I have a hard time deciding too.

In his case, we decided to have him come home and write a few verses that might put some truth in his heart and make a better choice next time. After he wrote one particular passage I hung it on our refrigerator. We all could use the reminder: "Be agreeable. Be loving. Be humble. No exceptions. Your job is to bless. Say nothing evil or hurtful. Turn away from evil and do good." (excerpts from 1 Peter 3 in The Message)

Run Your Race

2011-10-02T20:39:00.010-04:00

This morning was slated to be my sons' first triathlon (and K's second) but Mother Nature had other plans. Due to the chilly temps the scheduled early morning lake swim was scrapped and the trio had their first duathlon experience instead.

So they ran...
And transitioned...
And biked...
(four miles on these little bitty bikes that worked those sweet legs HARD) And then they ran another mile.

As their mother, my mind ran through all the reasons this should have been impossible.

I went into labor at 24 weeks.

They were born as micro preemies (less than 9 pounds when you put the three together). Between the three we have our share of diagnoses and have been through years of physical, occupational and speech therapy.

They are only seven years old--and very much on the little side of that age.

Their parents aren't exactly triathletes.

We don't have all the fancy equipment.

The best we could do is run beside them and encourage them like crazy.

Rather than using excuses, my children courageously and enthusiastically got out there and tried. Not because they are well-trained, stellar athletes...none of them placed and we were essentially dead last.

But they were healthy and strong enough to show up and run their race to its completion.

And we are VERY proud of them.

While still on the course P noticed that he was going to be the last to finish. He asked a few times if he really was in very last place. His Daddy & I tried to explain what we felt in our hearts: Participating and finishing put him ahead of the majority of 1st graders we know--who didn't even come out and attempt it. The placing was an afterthought...The goal wasn't to win, as much as it was to get our children out there and cheer them on as they did their best. It was the participation and the completion that overwhelmed my heart with gratefulness and joy.

I was told last Spring (when K participated for the first time) that the beauty of triathloning was the individuality in a group setting. I have found that to be true. Even those who train with a group get out on the course and run their own individual race marked by different strengths, weaknesses, challenges and accomplishments. Most seem to be competing with themselves rather than anyone else.

It occurred to me as I watched from the sidelines that every one of the 180+ youth & adult participants has a story too. Some were apparent (and unbelievably inspiring) Others were unseen and potentially unknown--like the 8 year old foster child from our group home who participated this morning even though his own parents weren't around to witness it or cheer him on. (Don't worry, plenty of others did.)

We spent 8 hours on the course today--participating, cheering and volunteering. I am still processing our experience, but I think the most important life lesson I learned today was this: Run your race. Not your neighbor's race or your parent's race, not your idol's race or your children's race. Run your race...the one set and marked out for you when your days were written in the book. Run with courage, strength, faith and love.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1 NIV

The Mundane Matters

2011-10-01T20:25:00.005-04:00

I am in the midst of a love/hate relationship with peewee football. I love the sport. I love watching my children try/learn new things...but I hate the amount of time it takes and the fact that it has taken 3 family dinner nights away from us per week.

With that being said, this weekend has reminded me all the reasons I do love youth sports. It started with K's soccer game this morning. I LOVE watching my girl compete. She is a good sport. She is not out to get anyone else, she just plays hard because she loves it. She is bouncing and grinning and having a great time--but she is fast and almost surprisingly aggressive considering her tiny little package.

I appreciate youth sports because they are such a metaphor of parenting in many regards. You practice with them and train them, but when your child is on the field, their performance has very little to do with you. In those moments on the field, your role is cheerleader. It is simultaneously humbling, exhilarating and terrifying.

Tomorrow the children (all three) are participating in a youth triathlon. This will be the second for K and the first for my boys. So, this afternoon we went out to the course and scoped it out. We practiced transitions. We discussed "what if" scenarios. The children rolled their eyes and dragged their feet at times. They just wanted to run and to ride their bikes--but in these races the speed in the mundane tasks of putting on shoes and helmets--can make or break the race. Another brilliant metaphor.

The 'basics' aren't fun to learn (nor are they particularly exciting to teach) but a strong and sturdy foundation is a result of the line upon line diligent instruction that happened before the 'big moment.' It is true of sports and life. I like being a 'fun Mom,' but being a good one requires knowing when to dial that back and being brave enough to require some 'unfun' training in the basics.

I am reminded of something we read a couple of weeks ago in Lysa TerKeurst's Becoming More Than Just a Good Bible Study Girl. She writes of the story of a young David, who after being ordained as the next king is returned to his very ordinary life as a shepherd boy. She paints the picture of him returning to the lowly duties of serving, tending and errand running with the oil from his anointing perhaps still dripping from his brow. Ultimately, when these tasks lead him to his first big moment battling Goliath, it becomes clear that he was qualified for his call during these ordinary days. (I Samuel 17:34-37)

"Indeed it was the fields of everyday life that David's character was developed to match his calling. All that tending and serving and errand-running was not a waste of time; in fact it was the best use of his time. It's where David gained the courage that would soon be required of him to defeat Goliath." -Lysa TerKeurst

Patience, consistency, steady plodding... May we not forget (in sports, in parenting OR in our own calls to obedience in our daily lives) that the basics make the difference.

Picture Perfect

2011-10-01T14:43:00.004-04:00

My parents encountered this print in a shop in California. It so reminded them of one of their grandsons that they snapped a camera photo and sent it to me.

When I showed it to P he exclaimed, "Hey! Who painted that picture of me?"

A Challenging Prayer from P

2011-09-30T07:37:00.003-04:00

Wednesday night, before bed, P prayed, "Lord, thank you for making me and my brother so funny (giggle). Thank you for making my family just the way you did. Thank you for the way you made the Earth and everything in it just right..."

He went on to mention some other specific things, namely his nightly prayer for "the poor people to have enough money for food and shelter so they can survive--and just a little extra." That little man has a precious heart.

For the 36 hours since, I have been stuck on the first part of his prayer...such pure gratefulness. A thankful heart. An innocent, unadulterated view of the world not yet marked by the "but..."s that the years seem to add to our prayers. There were no exceptions to his gratitude. He spoke as clearly as his heart seemed to feel it. All things come from God. He is trustworthy. I will thank Him.

I am not saying that God doesn't want to hear what is really in/on our hearts. I just wish what was really in my heart was as pure and grateful as P's.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14 NIV

There's No Pause Button

2011-09-28T20:06:00.009-04:00

Today I had a minor procedure done to help with some reflux issues. As a result of the anesthesia, I was not able to drive this afternoon, blessing our family with a midweek break from our activities. From 3pm-7:30pm we were able to snack, complete homework assignments, have dinner and PLAY at an unrushed pace.

As I watched the electricity of ordinary life happening in my backyard my heart smiled. The swinging, biking, sliding, basketball playing, giggling, chasing and ziplining was such a picture of the simple pleasures of healthy, active children.

I decided to get my camera because I have fallen out of the habit of recording the ordinary pleasures of real life. I don't need any more posed pictures of special occasions. I want reminders of the precious, ordinary, unremarkable moments of home life.
I love these dirty, snaggle tooth faces...

but walking around and gettng a picture of the other side of those heads always makes my heart melt. (And the basketball R is clutching? That's real life.)

And so is this.

I was talking to a friend today about how she was coping amidst a difficult season of life change. She shared that the best bit of advice she had been given is that she wouldn't always feel like this--the searing pain would subside, the heavy fog would begin to part.

This led to a discussion of a Beth Moore study we both remembered from a couple of years ago. (I think it was Esther...) I am paraphrasing, but Beth made the point that when women get all tied up in our anxiety we make the mistake of allowing our thought life stop at the moment our worst case scenario occurs--the late night phone call, the diagnosis, etc. She challenged readers to not stop there, but to think about what would come next. There would be a next breath, a next step, a next chapter.

This is the nature of life. It is fluid. It doesn't just 'pause.' Yet when we get tangled up and immobilized by fear we forget that.

This afternoon I was thinking about how this is important to remember in the ordinary blessings of our busy lives as well. We don't get to press pause on the devastating parts of life, but the same holds true for the beautiful chapters. Time waits for no man. It marches on.

So, I resolved to slow down today and intentionally focus on remembering the little details.

The sweet sound of their giggles.
The size of their bikes.
The colorful crayola toothbrushes scattered all over the bathroom counter.
Those skinny little arms doing pushups before bed.
That wild head of hair that cannot be tamed.
The gravelly little seven year old voice that still hasn't mastered the R sound.
The mischievous grin on the face of the Daddy that loves playing with them so much he can't quite bring himself to settle them down for bed.

Because this too shall pass.

The Parable of the Lost Ninja

2011-09-26T20:09:00.004-04:00

We have lost things before...but tonight was perhaps our most emotional loss: a brand new souvenir from Chicago--a white Lego Ninja--has disappeared.

P insists he knows "exactly" where he left it before school this morning, but in the true spirit of a ninja it is hiding somewhere so secret that a four person crew searching for a solid 45 minutes could not find it. We went to great lengths...emptying every toy basket and bucket, cleaning out every upstairs bedroom and playroom drawer, sifting through every toy in a desperate attempt to recover the lost ninja.

P was very tearful. R was determined to be his brother's hero. K was compassionate--patting him on the shoulder and telling P how sorry she was for his loss. It was a sweet picture of sibling empathy and love.

After a top to bottom search (twice) I told the children it was time for bed. We would have to try again in the morning. Then the real tears began. I acknowledged how sad I knew P's heart was, then assured him it would turn up.
"How do you know?" he cried, "You can't say that for sure. You are not PSYCHIC, Mom."
"You are right, but I have lived a lot of years," I responded.

As I was tucking the children in I shared the parable of the lost coin--adding that the way we would feel when we found the ninja was akin to how heaven rejoices when someone starts a relationship with Jesus. I (mistakenly) thought this might resonate with them in light of their experience.

P sniffed and looked up at me.
"But, Mom, this was not a coin or even just a plain Lego block. This was a Ninjago on a spinner with a numchuk--and it is still missing!"

So we prayed and tomorrow we will search again. And when we do find it we will have another lesson...this time about the importance of putting important things away where they belong.

My New Favorite Motherhood Quote

2011-09-26T00:03:00.000-04:00

Source: ohmyhandmade.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

2011-09-25T07:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was another great day in Chicago--despite waking up with a tummy ache. It really should not have come as a surprise, we literally ate our way through the city!

I crossed many things off my list: MillenNium Park, Grant Park, The Art Institute, American Girl and Lego stores for goodies for the kids & Sprinkle's Cupcakes for treats for us. We watched the Alabama game from our room before enjoying a wonderful dinner at Japonais.

I was intrigued/moved by the homeless people who were panhandling along the most heavily traveled/touristy streets--especially the disabled and the women. I wondered about their stories--how much role the economy played in their predicaments versus addiction or mental illness. I think I have watched too many episodes of Intervention.

The person who had the biggest impact on me was a middle-aged Asian American man I encountered on Michigan Avenue. He was well dressed and did not appear to be homeless. It was Saturday afternoon. The streets were packed. He had positioned himself on one of the most prominent corners--directly across from Saks Fifth Avenue. With a broad smile across his face and a twinkle in his eyes he was shouting at the top of his lungs: I LOOOOOOOOOVE JESUS. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOOOOOOVES ME. He unashamedly announced his love over and over again. He was undignified and he didn't care what passersby thought.

He was not asking for or accepting donations. There was no judgment. He wasn't preaching to anyone. Instead, it appeared he couldn't contain his joy. He wanted the world to know his good news and so he was testifying--loudly and proudly. And, frankly, to the world he looked like he had lost his marbles.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. If we really believe what we claim, why aren't we all shouting from the top of our lungs?

I don't know.

As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard. Acts 4:20 NIV

Chi Town

2011-09-23T17:47:00.000-04:00

It has been a robust 24 hours in Chicago! After arrival last night we ventured to a steak restaurant with a great view of the river. It was much later than I usually eat, so I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked. This morning I woke up ready to take on the city... and it did not disappoint!

I took an early morning walk down to Navy Pier before boarding a boat for a 90 minute architectural tour. Even though it started raining about 45 minutes in, it was a great experience. Thanks for all the encouragement to try it. I am not necessarily an architecture buff, so I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

After the tour my hubby was able to join me for a delicious lunch at The Purple Pig, a delightfully eclectic place whose tagline is cheese, swine and wine. When he returned to the meeting, I went to work--shopping.

The most entertaining part of my day was trying the outfits selected by my young, hip personal shopper at Nordstrom. He was way out of my league, but I humored him for a bit. At one point I barely recognized myself in Laboutins and a fancy designer dress, but I enjoyed the opportunity to play dress up. When Geoffrey (the gentleman helping me) asked if the fabric would be breathable on the dance floor I had to tell him the truth...this small town Mama of three isn't exactly the target audience for the club scene!

After a few hours of that, my tired feet carried me back to the hotel to curl up in bed for a whole hour and a half of controlling the remote while I waited for my husband to finish up and join me for dinner at Joe's--which was completely delicious!

After dinner we ventured back to Navy Pier and enjoyed a view of skyline from the ferris wheel. We also stopped by Garrett's popcorn to try some of their heavily touted wares. While there we received a phone call from old friends I had bumped into earlier (in town for a different conference) and joined them for a glass of wine at Trump Towers. What a view and what a day!

I miss my children. I keep finding myself taking pictures of things I know they would want to see, but we are having a really great time (and from the sounds other excited little voices on the phone, so are they!)

Now for some rest...tomorrow it's the museums!

Chicago

2011-09-21T20:44:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow my hubby & I are headed for a few days away in the Windy City without our brood. We haven't been on a 'just us' trip in almost 2 years, so I am really looking forward to it. He will be in a conference, so I will have some time to read, rest, explore and shop. I am feeling relaxed already...

The children will be in very capable hands while we are away, but tonight is devoted to the scheduling, laundry, organizing and other assorted preparations that are necessary to 'hand off' my life for a few days. At some point I should also probably should pack... (There went the relaxation I was feeling in the previous paragraph!)

I have already made our dinner reservations, but if you have any Chicago 'MUST do's'-- especially ones I can safely navigate on my own during the day while he's busy--I'd love to know!

2011-09-20T22:41:00.006-04:00

I had the best dinner with a few sweet friends tonight. It is so good for my soul to sit around a table and enjoy delicious food and authentic conversation. I am blessed with some amazing women in my life.

Cabell shared that someone recently told her they envied the friendships she shared with a handful of women in our little town.
"I want friendships like that," the person confessed.
Cabell replied, "But you don't want what it took to get us here...a year of praying together on our faces for a miracle."

And then there was the pain, the loss...and the rebuilding.
These friendships are true, sweet and deep--a rare treasure--but they definitely came at a cost. This didn't just 'happen.' Our friendships have been forged in the heat of the firey trials of life.

Isn't it true of the comparison games most of us play? We 'window shop' other people's lives and envy the ones that appear so much more put together or appealing than ours. The truth is, in most cases, we have no idea at what expense those lives have come to be.

In Chapter 8 of Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl Lysa Terkeurst discusses our tendency to compare our lives to those around us. She points out that each of us has a story that has been written for us--and the Lord has uniquely equipped us for OUR story--NOT someone else's.

I LOVED her strategy for interrupting these thoughts and replacing them with truth.

"Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else's circumstances, I often remind myself out loud:
I am not equipped to handle what they have...
I am not equipped for her good.
I am not equipped for her bad.
I am not equipped to carry the weight of her victories.
I am not equipped to shoulder her burdens.
I am not equipped to be her in any way.
I am, however, perfectly equipped to be me.
Therefore, thank you, God, for only entrusting me with what I have and who I am."

AMEN.